Regression

It’s time for the rebirth of my rebellious teen to early twenty-something years. It’s been a while since I attacked anything so I figure, why not go for the gusto and just attack everyone. Seems easier that way. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to be attacking anyone personally but rather attack the race as a whole. We are spinning into a society of doddering morons. I’m probably not the first person to come to this conclusion, and I won’t be the last, but it’s time for the bitch session that I’ve been itching for.

As a race we’ve come a long way. We’ve proven that the chicken came before the egg (don’t quote me, but the chicken contains mitochondrial DNA and an egg does not, therefore the chicken must have come first). We’ve also proven that if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to here it, it in fact does not make a sound. In order for sound to exist you need a receiver, and without an ear or recording device it cannot exist. Take that all you people trying to clear your mind with the age old riddle. We’ve even mapped the human genome. Shit, we’ve also made the five bladed razor that can shave you back to last week without flaying your face so you look like something out of a George Romero flick, but we still think kicking the crap out of each other is a good idea.

For eons we have been beating the hell out of each other, and all we have done in the past odd (enter whatever number makes you happy and doesn’t piss off your belief system) years is figure out how to kill each other faster and more efficiently. From when the first prehistoric man grabbed a chunk of wood and hit his buddy in the back of the head for taking his brontoburger we have not changed. Then, one of his buddies figured out he could throw a rock and not even be near him when he died, but of course the brontoburger may get cold. At least they were fighting for food.

Let’s jump ahead a whole mess of years. Next stop, the crusades. By this time, science was starting to get a firm foothold in our civilization, so let’s not listen to scholars and let everyone be. A big fat guy with a stupid hat says, “Let’s beat the shit out of everyone who doesn’t believe the same things we believe in. And rather than just beat them, lets torture them a while before we kill them. That’ll be fun.” There’s a good idea.

I have another idea, Lets get on a boat, sail far away to find somebody we haven’t stomped on yet, obliterate their race and their faith, and we can say we civilized them. You can put whatever conquering nation you want in here. This one has been done to death. I mean that literally. Pun intended.

Now we have guns. Little bits of metal and wood that fire smaller bits of metal at who ever you don’t like. That should even up the playing field. Just point the shooty end toward the undesirables and pull the trigger. Don’t deal with the uncivilized heathens up close, just pick them off at a distance and conquer them later.

And then…let’s make a way so we can blow the shit out of entire villages and towns without even having to be there. Just press a button and WHOOSH, off goes a rocket and boom…No lunch for Johnny tomorrow. Oh, wait. No tomorrow for Johnny.

Here’s an even better idea. Let’s strap these two rocks together in a bomb and put them on top of our rocket. Don’t smack the rocks together when you’re nearby. Makes for a very hot workspace. Damn. Now we can level cities, towns, and entire county sides from way far away. It makes such a pretty light as it melts the skin off of your “unfortunate casualties”.

Now that we have these huge bombs on the top of our rockets, let’s make more of them. And more, and more, and more. We’ll stop when we have just about enough to blow up our entire planet 7 or 8 times over. That’ll show those damned evil bastards that we hate this week.

And then the world collapsed. We started to see the errors of our ways. A wall came down that seemed like it was pretty important when it was built. Two dicks got together and decided they didn’t want to be dicks to each other anymore, and for a little while everyone started feeling ok.

This is the part where I started to realize the true nature of our race. Not soon after we all shook hands and sang a song together, we started hating each other again. Not on the global scale that it once was, but you could see the foundation cracking. I don’t think we ever had a utopian society, but I really felt like we were moving towards it for a while. I mean, if the two dicks could get a long, why couldn’t we? But no, you don’t have the same skin color/belief system/monetary value/shoes/goals in life/etc./etc./etc. as me, so lets pretend it’s a couple of hundred years ago and start up the Bar-B-Q. I’m not saying that all of these atrocities had stopped in that magical year, but I was hoping that with the two main players standing down, it would roll downhill and we’d start to see things differently. Guess not.

And here we are today. Waiting for a war to end, which is never going to (at least not in any way we hope for), and I look back on that magical day just over 15 years ago and wonder what the hell happened. We were close, and now we are neck deep in the shit again, just because a bunch of dinosaurs have their dicks out and are seeing who’s the biggest. I’ll tell you what. The big man is the one who zip’s up first. There is no honor in following the leader, and by stepping away, history will hold you as the honorable one.

Remember, wars are not only fought between nations, but between individuals as well. Don’t support the dinosaurs. Stop swinging your dick around and put it back in your pants. All of the mini wars between neighbors, brothers, sisters and friends are nothing more than a way to distract us from the real news and make more money for the dinosaurs. Put it down, walk away and lead a productive life. All of the problems solutions have to start at the ground level and work their way up. I hope that someday my grandchildren’s children will read about war the way we read about the birth of the atomic bomb. Something that used to happen in the past that nobody is proud of. I also want them to read about that magical day in 1989 when the world was united for a few minutes.

Rest in peace Rosa. You were, and are still an inspiration to us all.