Do I Really Need a Reason?
Xmas time is almost upon us again. I can tell because all the stores are playing xmas crap songs every time I go in to buy some food or shitter paper. Xmas carols to me are like nails on a chalkboard, or in the new improved moloquinized version, like sandpaper on my eyelids. Whenever I hear those staples of years gone by pouring down onto me like acid dripping out of a shitty 5 watt speaker mounted in 1973 (to pick a year at random), I usually find myself gritting my teeth and telling myself not to get mad and do whatever it was that got me in the asylum the first time.
Whew. Run on sentence mania. Where are those pills.
Anyways, I've discovered a very unique combination of things to really get those Walmart (c) employees all riled up. As the canned Christmas cheer pours down onto them from above like fairies pissing from on high, make sure to ask them when they are getting their next shipment of Nintendo Wii's in. They like this question. They only hear it about 300 times a day, so they are more than happy to answer any questions you have. To add insult to injury, go into great details about how this in no way shape or form will match up to, or surpass, your old 8-bit NES. Go into great technical detail about why the Wii suxors compared to the NES and how the original cartridge based system was the way to go. After boring the poor employee to tears, say ok. Then ask them if they have any Playstation 3's. Lather, rinse, repeat, always repeat. That is how you win new friends. Trust me. They'll like you lots.
Did I mention that I have a Wii? Props to all you haters out there. Tee hee hee. And it is as good as you've heard, but not nearly as good as my NES...
On another note, I know what I want for Xmas this year. It was on my list from last year as well, but I didn't get it, so I figured that I'll only ask for this one thing so it's gotta come through. Well, that's the plan anyways. So here we go. This is what I want.
Now, who's going to get it for me? Come on. Someone has got to come through for me. Please? I'm asking really nice.
What I don't want is one of these.
Seriously. I'm growing a fricken shell here. Let this be a lesson to you. Learn from the Rev. If you keep a blog, and someone(s) from where you work reads it, make sure you don't bitch about the corporate Xmas gift; because you can be sure that they will force feed it to you.
Seriously. Someone get me that gift, and not the nutbucket damnit. You don't even have to wrap it.
Quick and Dirty entry. Just how I like it.
Xmas time is almost upon us again. I can tell because all the stores are playing xmas crap songs every time I go in to buy some food or shitter paper. Xmas carols to me are like nails on a chalkboard, or in the new improved moloquinized version, like sandpaper on my eyelids. Whenever I hear those staples of years gone by pouring down onto me like acid dripping out of a shitty 5 watt speaker mounted in 1973 (to pick a year at random), I usually find myself gritting my teeth and telling myself not to get mad and do whatever it was that got me in the asylum the first time.Whew. Run on sentence mania. Where are those pills.
Anyways, I've discovered a very unique combination of things to really get those Walmart (c) employees all riled up. As the canned Christmas cheer pours down onto them from above like fairies pissing from on high, make sure to ask them when they are getting their next shipment of Nintendo Wii's in. They like this question. They only hear it about 300 times a day, so they are more than happy to answer any questions you have. To add insult to injury, go into great details about how this in no way shape or form will match up to, or surpass, your old 8-bit NES. Go into great technical detail about why the Wii suxors compared to the NES and how the original cartridge based system was the way to go. After boring the poor employee to tears, say ok. Then ask them if they have any Playstation 3's. Lather, rinse, repeat, always repeat. That is how you win new friends. Trust me. They'll like you lots.
Did I mention that I have a Wii? Props to all you haters out there. Tee hee hee. And it is as good as you've heard, but not nearly as good as my NES...
On another note, I know what I want for Xmas this year. It was on my list from last year as well, but I didn't get it, so I figured that I'll only ask for this one thing so it's gotta come through. Well, that's the plan anyways. So here we go. This is what I want.
Now, who's going to get it for me? Come on. Someone has got to come through for me. Please? I'm asking really nice.
What I don't want is one of these.
Seriously. I'm growing a fricken shell here. Let this be a lesson to you. Learn from the Rev. If you keep a blog, and someone(s) from where you work reads it, make sure you don't bitch about the corporate Xmas gift; because you can be sure that they will force feed it to you.
Seriously. Someone get me that gift, and not the nutbucket damnit. You don't even have to wrap it.
Quick and Dirty entry. Just how I like it.
posted by Reverend Moloquin at 2:13 PM
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