The Secret Water Buffalo's
I know it's been a while, and The Management is still having their way with me, but it's time for a short entry. This one is not to be construed in away as a dig any one person (or people) in particular, but more of a social commentary from someone looking down on something from a five mile distance. Like all interesting thoughts, this one struck me in the washroom. Don't ask me why, and don't even bother arguing it, because I know you are lying, but most thoughts do come to everyone in the washroom or shower. This one I just found amusing, and what is the point of amusing thoughts if you don't share them with the world.
We all know, or have known, people who are known to, how do I put this correctly...indulge in extra-curricular pharmaceutical use. Ah screw it. Potheads. I have had the pleasure of knowing many of this particular clan, and I'm not talking about the, "Hey, you know what we haven't done since college" folks, but the "it's 4:20, let's light up a J" kinda folks. The Chronics. I don't care what people do, and if you want to do a line off a strippers back, more power to you, but there are a few idiosyncrasies of the sticky green clan that I find hilarious. Besides the fact that none are addicted to it (yeah, and I've never been hooked through the bag on cigarettes either), there are a few other peculiarities with these folks.
Once someone has made it to the chronic status, I think it's hilarious sitting around with them as they try to explain how weed is the end all, be all thing, and how if everyone just got smoked we'd all be happier. Well, no shit. Of course we'd all be happy (and paranoid), but can you imagine the dorito and twinkie famine in the world? Why doesn't anyone think of the poor twinkies. It has always amazed me that suddenly weed is the solution to everything from world peace, and solving the global hunger problem (as long as there are twinkies) to "I could design a completely non-polluting car" and "Physics just make more sense when I'm baked". Can you image Einstein, Niels Bohr and Stephen Hawking all sitting around, cooked out of their minds discussing string theory? I'm sure it would make tonnes of sense at the time, but the general relativity between McCain's chocolate cakes and dark matter probably wouldn't hold much water at the next physics convention.
Did you know that weed, is not only not harmful, but actually beneficial for the body? Well, I've been told this many times, but I can tell you, I don't cough like a lung is going to be passed through my oesophagus while I'm eating a piece of fruit.
There is no doubt in my mind that there are many things which are more harmful to the body than weed, but actually beneficial? I think not. Anything you burn and inhale isn't doing you any good. It's also a great substitute for prescription drugs. Yup, It's true! You can give up any meds you may be on and just smoke a bowl. I think this best falls into the "escapism through self-medicating" category. Of course you don't care about you meds when you are cooked, but do you actually care about anything that much?
The one behavioural anomaly that I find the most amusing is the fact that suddenly everyone is a closet pothead. I don't know how many conversations I've had with people that are baked when, out of nowhere, they suddenly proclaiming, "You know, I bet so-and-so does a lot of weed." Now if this was a solitary thing, it wouldn't be as amusing, but if you spend enough time with the same person, suddenly every one they know is a closet chronic. From that person at the office who is a little different, to the mailman, to that dog that is always barking down the street, everyone is a chronic. I'm pretty sure that if you applied this formula, there would be double the population of the world, all baked, all the time. It does tend to become somewhat boring after a while when they have "revealed" the same person 38 times, but still fun. The worst thing you can do is try to dissuade them from thinking this. It will end in a nonstop diatribe of why they must be a pothead. In turn, one of the most fun things you can do is continue to argue as to why they aren't. Arguing with stoned people is a hoot. They will come up with the strangest counters to anything you put out there, that I'm sure make perfect sense in their head, but come out sounding like a chain of non-sequiturs.
I'm not sure why this behaviour always comes out but I think it's like some secret club that they all feel should exist. The secret order of the sticky green initiates. They used to have a secret handshake, but forgot it. The used to have a club house to, but forgot where they put the keys to it...
I know it sounds like I'm coming down hard on people who toke up, but really I'm not. Like I said, I really don't care that much. I've been know to drink way too much alcohol on occasion (Hey, It's Thursday, let's go get pissed!), but I don't get drunk on a regular basis. It's the same with anything in this category. Moderation is the key. You know what, if the shit agreed with my system, I'd probably do it, but it doesn't, so I have a couple of drinks instead. I don't even really have any issue with the chronic, I just find the justifications that come out of their face funny as shit.
Oh, and one last thing, we non-stoned people can tell when you are high. Yes we can, don't even bother trying to think otherwise, and for god sakes, don't try to convince us you aren't. Everyone who has said otherwise is lying. Trust me, the rev knows best in this case.
How's that for instilling paranoia?
I know it's been a while, and The Management is still having their way with me, but it's time for a short entry. This one is not to be construed in away as a dig any one person (or people) in particular, but more of a social commentary from someone looking down on something from a five mile distance. Like all interesting thoughts, this one struck me in the washroom. Don't ask me why, and don't even bother arguing it, because I know you are lying, but most thoughts do come to everyone in the washroom or shower. This one I just found amusing, and what is the point of amusing thoughts if you don't share them with the world.We all know, or have known, people who are known to, how do I put this correctly...indulge in extra-curricular pharmaceutical use. Ah screw it. Potheads. I have had the pleasure of knowing many of this particular clan, and I'm not talking about the, "Hey, you know what we haven't done since college" folks, but the "it's 4:20, let's light up a J" kinda folks. The Chronics. I don't care what people do, and if you want to do a line off a strippers back, more power to you, but there are a few idiosyncrasies of the sticky green clan that I find hilarious. Besides the fact that none are addicted to it (yeah, and I've never been hooked through the bag on cigarettes either), there are a few other peculiarities with these folks.
Once someone has made it to the chronic status, I think it's hilarious sitting around with them as they try to explain how weed is the end all, be all thing, and how if everyone just got smoked we'd all be happier. Well, no shit. Of course we'd all be happy (and paranoid), but can you imagine the dorito and twinkie famine in the world? Why doesn't anyone think of the poor twinkies. It has always amazed me that suddenly weed is the solution to everything from world peace, and solving the global hunger problem (as long as there are twinkies) to "I could design a completely non-polluting car" and "Physics just make more sense when I'm baked". Can you image Einstein, Niels Bohr and Stephen Hawking all sitting around, cooked out of their minds discussing string theory? I'm sure it would make tonnes of sense at the time, but the general relativity between McCain's chocolate cakes and dark matter probably wouldn't hold much water at the next physics convention.
Did you know that weed, is not only not harmful, but actually beneficial for the body? Well, I've been told this many times, but I can tell you, I don't cough like a lung is going to be passed through my oesophagus while I'm eating a piece of fruit.
There is no doubt in my mind that there are many things which are more harmful to the body than weed, but actually beneficial? I think not. Anything you burn and inhale isn't doing you any good. It's also a great substitute for prescription drugs. Yup, It's true! You can give up any meds you may be on and just smoke a bowl. I think this best falls into the "escapism through self-medicating" category. Of course you don't care about you meds when you are cooked, but do you actually care about anything that much? The one behavioural anomaly that I find the most amusing is the fact that suddenly everyone is a closet pothead. I don't know how many conversations I've had with people that are baked when, out of nowhere, they suddenly proclaiming, "You know, I bet so-and-so does a lot of weed." Now if this was a solitary thing, it wouldn't be as amusing, but if you spend enough time with the same person, suddenly every one they know is a closet chronic. From that person at the office who is a little different, to the mailman, to that dog that is always barking down the street, everyone is a chronic. I'm pretty sure that if you applied this formula, there would be double the population of the world, all baked, all the time. It does tend to become somewhat boring after a while when they have "revealed" the same person 38 times, but still fun. The worst thing you can do is try to dissuade them from thinking this. It will end in a nonstop diatribe of why they must be a pothead. In turn, one of the most fun things you can do is continue to argue as to why they aren't. Arguing with stoned people is a hoot. They will come up with the strangest counters to anything you put out there, that I'm sure make perfect sense in their head, but come out sounding like a chain of non-sequiturs.
I'm not sure why this behaviour always comes out but I think it's like some secret club that they all feel should exist. The secret order of the sticky green initiates. They used to have a secret handshake, but forgot it. The used to have a club house to, but forgot where they put the keys to it...
I know it sounds like I'm coming down hard on people who toke up, but really I'm not. Like I said, I really don't care that much. I've been know to drink way too much alcohol on occasion (Hey, It's Thursday, let's go get pissed!), but I don't get drunk on a regular basis. It's the same with anything in this category. Moderation is the key. You know what, if the shit agreed with my system, I'd probably do it, but it doesn't, so I have a couple of drinks instead. I don't even really have any issue with the chronic, I just find the justifications that come out of their face funny as shit.Oh, and one last thing, we non-stoned people can tell when you are high. Yes we can, don't even bother trying to think otherwise, and for god sakes, don't try to convince us you aren't. Everyone who has said otherwise is lying. Trust me, the rev knows best in this case.
How's that for instilling paranoia?
posted by Reverend Moloquin at 4:09 AM
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