Looking for the Doorway into Summer

Howdy folks, Miss me?

So far, any updates since the last real entry? Ummm...Worked way, WAAAYYY, too many hours at the cracker factory. Still don't have my golden ticket to Willy Wonka's freedom factory. Car has been broken, and fixed, and broken, and fixed, and finally left it to rot in my driveway, where it sulked for a few days and then decided to be good, and thus has been fixed for a couple of weeks. Been drunk a time or two since the last update (I know, alcohol is not the answer to heavy work stress, but damnit, it is fun), and generally being bitter and pissed off with the world.

On that note, let’s talk about something fun. I've talked about it before, but what the hell, let’s talk about it again. I enjoy talking about it, almost know what I'm talking about (most of the time...Phuck it, all of the time, you people just don't understand), and seeing that it has been about a year since the last time I rapped about it, it is time.

Don't look Mom...It's going to be nasty.

Let’s talk about sex, or rather porn.

Shudder, the horror, the horror.

There are a few fallacies the world should be made aware of, right now, by me, because I know. Trust me. I know.

First off, there are two kinds of people in the world when it comes to porn. The first are those who enjoy it, and the second are those who lie (both to themselves and to others). Porn is fun, and should be treated for what it is. Cheap thrills. Whether it is the Baby blue flicks on late night Friday that we all remember seeing as a kid and being confused, yet strangely compelled to watch, or the full on, hard-core DVDA, gonzo, body fluids flying everywhere kind of films, we all like one or the other, or something in the middle (ar-ar, pun intended I suppose). Of course, the topic of porn leads to a few other conversation ideas, which you can be damn sure I'm going to talk about.

Really...Look away now. It's only going to get worse.

Besides the variances in porn (not DVDA or pretty little vanilla, you poke me, I poke you kind of stuff), there are what I like to think of as two different major kinds of porn that one would have in their collection. If you don't have a collection, why not? Cuz you don't like it? You're lying again. Roll with it, you'll like it, trust me. Anyways, in the collection of afore mentioned porn, there will be the "This is actually really cool" or "Wow, I can't believe they made this" kind of porn. This the first major category. This is the shit you'll share with people and say "Dude, you gotta see this flick I seen last night".

Station break for one second before I get carried away. Women Like Porn Too. Sometimes more then men. There. I've said it. Now all my female friends will report me to the grand poo-bah and I'll be taken away to the depths of the Amazon where I'll be fed to the alligators. I hope you're all happy. Return to the last paragraph now.

This is the stuff that your aren't even ashamed to say you own. Almost, but not quite, real films. The second category is the "I can't sleep, it's 4AM and I have to get up for work tomorrow, (significant other) isn't around, or is asleep, so I'm not gonna wake them. I gotta go do something so I can sleep” kind of porn. This is the nasty, dirty, 15 minute film, magazine, diving into Google and searching for anything that's quick, sears catalogue undergarment kind of break I'm talking about here.

Don't blush or look away. We've all looked at porn when there is absolutely, positively, no reason to, and we know we shouldn't because of other obligations, or responsibilities.

Don't lie...you have.

Which leads us to the last topic...yeah...the uncomfortable one, at least for most people, but not the REV.

LAST CHANCE...Look Away.

We all know why we want that 15 minute fix, and it's not because you are waiting for the pasta to cook downstairs. It's for pure physical gratification purposes. Just admit it. It's easier, and stop being a prude...

And this will get me eaten by the alligators even quicker...wait is it crocodiles in the Amazon? Shit. Don't matter.

Women do this too. Ok guys, you can calm down a sec. Pick your jaw off the floor. There we go. Now I'm outta the club and won't have any more secrets to share.

We all do this...If you don't, your lying.

Really, if you don't, you're lying to your self. Just stop. No one likes a lier.

What we really need for this occasion is a self service menu like at the buffet at the Golden Corral. I'd like a little bit of this and maybe a little of that, but none of that, and DEFINITELY none of that. Ok, maybe a little of that, and GO. With a click of the button some magical porn hound goes off and finds exactly what you are hankin for a spankerin for, delivers it to you with a nod and a wink, and goes off to find some other perverts dream for the next 15 minutes.

Life is short folks. Calm down enjoy those fleeting couple of minutes...It's the short little things that makes the days tolerable.

Boobies.

Tee hee.