The World Today Seems Absolutely Crackers

Earlier today (or maybe yesterday, I can't remember) I wrote an entry about the futility of some (note I said some, not all) relationships and how they probably shouldn't be relationships. It may have been fate, or destiny, or some other crock 'o' shite, but the computer I was authoring it on decided to puke just as I was spell checking it.

Yes, I'm an IT guy, and no, my machines are not all in good shape. Go ask a car mechanic what his/her car is like.

So, this entry I wrote is gone to data heaven, that great bit bucket in the sky, and this is the point when I have to consider if it is worth re-writing. Maybe it is, maybe not, but there are definitely a couple of points that are probably worth remaking. And so, here is the abridged version of a Blog entry that was lost, and since you don't have the original, I can pretty much say whatever I want in this one...

There is a saying about absolute power I think...

Ok, here is the relationship advice from the Rev. Oh, and take it with as many grains of salt as you wish, because the mid 30's divorced guy may not have the best advice.

Firstly, if you aren't happy in a relationship, get the fuck out. It's not worth sticking around in it just because ending it is too much of an inconvenience. I'm not perfect, I should have gotten out of a couple I was in (read marriage in between the lines), but moving forward, I definitely have a game plan. Not that there is any marriage in this cats future. Trust me on that one folks. The minute I even appear like I am thinking of taking that plunge again, someone come up behind me with a shotgun and spray my grey matter all over the walls like some crazy Jackson Pollock painting. I'll deserve it, and now you all have my permission. Life is way to short to be stuck in a bad relationship.

Second, every six to eight weeks you are with someone, get the fuck away from them for a week. Seriously. There are a couple reasons to do this. One, you get to learn about yourself, see if you are changing, and whether or not it is in a good way. (gross sentence, I know, gimme a break it's three in the morning). Two, if you are truly meant to be with that person, you will miss them like mad. If you don't, you probably shouldn't be there.

Thirdly, there is nothing wrong with being by yourself. Do not be scared and jump into something stupid because you feel like it's expected of you, or that you feel like you "have" to be with someone. You know what, there are a lot of good points to being by yourself. I cooked up half a pound of bacon for dinner tonight. Yeah, my heart don't like it, and my workout schedule really doesn't like it, but you know what, I can do it, so I did. Then I played video games for a few hours, chatted on my shackle, I mean Blackberry, for a while, and concluded by watching Close Encounters of the Third Kind again. Wow, what a resourceful and meaningful day. And that would be my point. I could do that and not have to worry about it. Not a bad thing see...

Don't get me wrong. I think a meaningful relationship is a wonderful thing, for the right people, of which I'm probably not part of...at least right now.

Fourth, that whole opposites attract thing, yup it's true. Does it make for a meaningful relationship? Usually not. At least not long term. Can be exceptionally fun in the short term though. Usually incredibly powerful though.

Fifth, and this one I direct mainly at any of the guys who read this drivel. LEARN about your partner. Not by watching porn and flipping through skin mags, although they have their place, as an educational aid they are not. (We're going to let my ego run a little bit here, deal with it) If there is one thing I hear from the females in my life (both friends and others) it's that their partner/past partner/etc doesn't really know what to do when it comes to time in the sack. True, anyone can walk up to the plate and hit a home run once in a hundred pitches, but it's more rewarding to get a better average than one in a hundred. As I've written before, if you think you are doing it right, you probably aren't. Practice, listen and learn guys. Makes for a better experience all around.

Sixth. Ok gals, now for you. In exact opposition to what I said to the guys, porn is an excellent teacher for what most guys want. As much as we may want that wholesome nice girl out in public, we usually want the whore in the bedroom. And yet another way in which the genders differ. Grand. Anyways, here is the one bit of advice I'd give you, if we (meaning males) are doing something wrong, weird, or just plain stupid, tell us. We will learn. Oh and one other thing. Get into it. If you don't, we won't either, and no one wants that.

Bah, enuff of relationship alley. The last bit though, to anyone who is around when I start slagging marriage, take it with a grain of salt. Just because my marriage was an unmitigated disaster, does not mean that anyone else's will be. I just may act out occasionally due to the jaded and bitter nature that sometimes creeps out. Just laugh at it and move on, and never let me tell you I told you so. Forever is a very long time.

And the last point of the night, those things around you are called windshields. People can see through them. I can see you picking your nose. Stop it. It's nasty. In turn, feel free to express yourselves to each other behind them. That's just good entertainment.