A Sphincter Says What?

Time for another request entry. Good thing since my life is pretty uneventful right now. Here you go CG. You wanted it, you got it.

Conversation is a lost art. This has been said many times, but I think it needs to be expanded on a little bit. Just one word needs to be added. Enjoyable conversation is a lost art. Anyone can have a conversation. It's not particularly difficult. Shit, you can talk about the weather if you're really stuck, but is this a) enjoyable, or b) adding anything interesting to your life? Not likely, but yet some people will just continue to blather on forever with no point. Most of the time, the topic just isn't interesting. A conversationalist can tell you a very dry and boring tale, but still keep you interested in how they tell it. The worst crime against nature is the person who insists on telling you something and just won't stop telling it. Here's an example. For a living I repair and build computer networks. The only people who find this interesting are other networking people. I could go on about the merits of 3DES encryption across VPN meshes, or how important matching Diffie-Hellman groups is when building said VPN mesh, but it's not interesting to 99.9% of the public.

There is a look that people get when you've gone to far. Usually a glazed over look interjected with many "yeah" and "really's?" while they are staring into the space right above your left shoulder. The other look you will see is the deer in the headlights with eyes darting around looking for any sort of out that they can find. For the love of God, when you see this look, just shut up and move on. Most people are too polite to tell you that they aren't interested, but trust me, you're just boring us. I'm not perfect. Admittedly I have been known to just keep talking, but I usually pull out before it gets too painful. If you golfed an 87, good for you, but I really don't care. Golf is only fun when you hit something with the ball that isn't green, at least in my opinion.

And if I look busy, it's probably because I am. I really don't feel like shooting the shit while I'm stomping out fires. Just walk away...

The root cause of this is the dreaded "uncomfortable silence". The problem is people are so afraid of this that they won't shut up. Sitting quietly with someone can be a rewarding experience. There is such a thing as comfortable silence. The worst for this are the idiots in the movie theater. If I'm shelling out a small fortune to see a movie with someone, shut the hell up and let me feel like it was worth the money, even if it is a horrible film. I don't care if you can't follow the movie, wait until after the film to sound stupid and be annoying. I think Douglas Adams (I know, I quote him way too much, but he's just so quotable) said it best. He was describing how an alien on earth viewed human conversation. "If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, their brains start working." It's a bitter way of looking at things, but holds some water.

While we're on the topic of things that are as annoying as shit, lets bring up the cataclysmic, eye gouging, bowel loosening, king of the mountain of boring ass shit. I don't want to see pictures, films, or slides of what little Jimmy did when he was 4. I don't want to see the blurry photo's of your vacation in Cuba, and I especially don't want to see photos of your tour of the concrete plant that you and your family went to see on your day trip to Delaware. Being an amateur photographer, I can appreciated artistic photos, but one of little Sally playing on her slip and slide is not art. If she slides off the end, does a face plant into the garden bed and hurts herself, I'll look at that because it's funny, but it still isn't art. The way to handle this one is leave the photo's out somewhere where they can be viewed, but only fill in the details of whatever the picture is about if they ask. If they aren't asking, they aren't interested.

I could go on all day about annoying stuff, but I better stop while I'm ahead. That came out a little more cynical than was originally intended, but if people don't learn we going to be stuck listening to boring shit and looking at blurry photos of Aunt Millie.

Here's a word rather than a quote. I already used one quote in this entry, so I'll meet you halfway with a word.

Defenestration - (noun) a throwing of a person or thing out of a window. The Verb form is defenestrate. Try using it in a sentence at some point this week. People will have no idea what you are talking about, but no one will ask what it means. It'll be fun.