Early to Bed and Early to Rise Makes a Man, Healthy, Wealthy and Boring.

One night last week I was taking an easy night and had just settled in for a long bit of non-educational, sitcom viewing, when I truly realized how much I hate commercials. I don't watch the big network programs that often, but on this night I was force fed all kinds of adverts for products I didn't need or food I didn't eat. There were a couple of highlights in the evening viewing though, one being the blatant stupidity that it is assumed the public has when viewing these 30 sec vomitous masses that they call a humorous advertisement. I am a pretty easy going, relaxed person most of the time, and as inane as this is going to sound, I actually felt insulted by the commercials. There was one in particular for a fast food chain which specialized in faux Mexican food and has a large noise making chunk of brass that is usually reserved for churches in the commercial (sue me now Biotches) that particularly annoyed me. It could have been the fact that it was played every ten minutes, but I think more likely it was the delivery of the commercial. It was trying to be funny, and failing miserably. I was reminded of the jokes that were swapped back and forth at the playground when I was in grade three, which has a lot to say about how the marketing world views us regular people doesn't it? We are treated like we are eight years old and told what to buy with our allowance. Bah...I'm not going to get on the soapbox today; I just don't have the energy. (watch this lead-in people.)

One of the other adverts that bothered me was about some mattress company or another. I have no doubt that the proper mattress can leave me feeling more rested and energized, maybe even improve my quality of sleep, but there is no way on god's green earth that I am waking up with a stretch, smiling and hopping out of the bed glad to meet the day (well, there is one way, but I try to keep this a PG-13 rated blog). Like everything else which catches my attention, I started thinking about it, and questioned if I have ever woken up happy to be awake and glad to meet the day? The answer is never (other than the censored bit mentioned above, and that was not because of the mattress), so this lead down another path. Have I ever known anyone who wakes up happy and cheerful in the morning? And further, have I ever known a woman to wake up in the morning with perfectly coifed hair and make up on perfectly? Again the answer was no. Most sane people would stop at this point and just accept that it's bunk, but no, not me.

So, I'm at work on Monday and I ask Newt if he wakes up happy.

“Nope.”

How about your wife?

“Nope.”

Anyone you've ever known?

“Nope.”

It's a fallacy. No one ever wakes up happy. Ever. We've been lied to. Tell those mattress salesmen to shove their proverbial mattress up their cornholes and tell that we aren't going to take it any more. No more lies. Stop the madness. Another of the worlds mysteries solved by soothsayer Moloquin.

This entry has very little to do with the title. I had one idea in mind when I started, and ended up in a completely different country when I finished. Damn.