Even Though you Don't Want to Dance, It's Feels Good to be Invited.

Time to get off of the blasphemy train. I figure I've attacked religion enough. Let’s get back to more grounded, sane stuff (relatively) and write about the new epiphanies in my life. I have to come back to roots occasionally so I don't go into professor mode. As much as I love the idea of prophet Moloquin, I have to give him time to collect apostles and send them out to the desert to reflect before I can write of the coming of the new church. Damn...Maybe I'm not totally off of the blasphemy train yet.

I have decided to have a go at the straight edge lifestyle again. I was a straight edge for a few years back in the mid nineties. I had to then because of all the abuse I had done to myself in the late teenage/early twenties. I never really bought into the preachy, holier than thou attitude that I seen in many of the straight edgers back then. Don't get me wrong, not all of the straight edgers are like that, but like any movement, there are always the extremist sections. I just needed to adopt the lifestyle to clean myself out and be able to see life clearly again. It's one of those revelations that some of us have that is truly life changing.

That is a term that is bandied about way to readily these days. Revelation. A revelation is not realizing that you can save 1.59 a day by quitting the take away coffee after work. My revelation was waking up in a bed filled with blood and vomit. You want a rude awakening? Try that. Something about seeing a bunch of stuff on the outside that should be on the inside, and not even realizing you did it is somewhat of an eye opening experience. From that moment I knew I had to change my nihilistic lifestyle before it was too late and I was found in a ditch somewhere.

Back to the topic at hand, change in lifestyle. Before I go any further, I could be construed as somewhat of a poser to other straight edgers. I don't buy into the attitude that is usually associated to the lifestyle, I just go along with the abstaining from Drugs, Alcohol, and Tobacco. And forget about abstaining from sex. Not that the opportunity is lining up at my front door, but damn, give up sex? Don't even think for a minute that is going to happen. And I'm not Emo, or Hardcore, or any other clique. I'm just a prophet, or deity in waiting as I like to think.

The real reason for the lifestyle change is I feel like I need to go through a "purifying" cycle. I've lost a bunch of weight (ok Obi, not weight, fat) over the last ten months or so, but I just can't ditch the last twenty pounds or so that insist on hanging around my midsection, so I've started getting into weight lifting again. Back in a past life I used to be in very good shape and was fairly physically active. Most of this went out the window over the past 10 years with career change, but the time has come around again for me to regain something similar to what I once was. As the joke goes, I used to have pecs, but they fell down to my stomach when I wasn't looking.

I've only been on the exercise wagon a little while, but I can already feel the difference. It's amazing how quickly the body starts to remember what it once was. Getting back into exercise again was not as horrible as I thought it would be, but not as good as I hoped either. That first week felt like I had gone three rounds with a chainsaw and came in second. I thought my arms hurt from playing too much Guitar Hero, but that first morning after was something else. Every forgotten muscle in my arms, chest and back felt like they had burning torches buried in them somewhere. It was a good pain though. I knew there was a purpose behind it, so I couldn't complain too loudly. Onward and upward.

And now we've come full circle to the title of this one. The idea behind the title is, even though you don't necessarily want to do something, it's cool to be asked. The reaction to this one came this weekend. Ask any divorced person and they'll back me up on this one (unless you are one of the fuckers who were having an affair and caused the divorce). Getting back into the whole "single" thing is a long, winding and difficult path for some of us. I hated the whole dating thing the first time around, and highly suspect I'll hate it just as much this time. I loathe the whole superficial primping and throwing your props around in order to impress someone. Bah. Anyways, all the weight loss and exercise shit came to fruition this weekend. Not the way everyone thinks...Get your minds out of the gutter. It feels great to be hit on again, and it is a compliment people, get used to it. I wasn't expecting it, or playing up some angle, but it happened none the less. It felt good. I don't necessarily know if I'm ready to play the game again, but under the right circumstances I suppose I could be. It was just that little bit of a boost to the self confidence I needed. Yeah, like I need anything else to inflate my already over inflated ego, but damnit, it felt good. Muchos Gracias to the person doing the hitting.

Enough, I'm done. Gotta get some Guitar Hero in tonight before sack time. Before anyone asks, yes you look like an absolute idiot when you play it, but try it and you'll be hooked like a heroin addict.

One last thing. Congrats go out to CG. Good job Grrl. You deserve it, and don’t think otherwise.

"Nihilism is best done by professionals."
Iggy Pop