What Do You Want to Do Tonight Brain? Try to Take Over the World.
Let's keep the blasphemy train going shall we? No, I'm not going to go on with some dull and boring (to some) history lesson. I think it's time to have some fun again. I've been writing about some less than comedic topics lately, so let’s combine them. This is either going to be very amusing, down right silly, or just plain stupid. I guess we'll see how it pans out by the time I'm done. I can already see people who know me shaking their heads at this one. I figure, since I was complaining so loudly about all the omissions from the bible in the last entry, it's time for the prophet Moloquin to step forward and update a bit. Now people who know me are really shaking their heads. I can almost hear the whispers of "No, don't do it". Well, I'm going to do it anyways, and it's an excuse for another list, but this one has precedence, and providence, so I don't feel guilty about doing it. Here we go. An updated version of the ten commandments, but let's not use the exact ones from the scripture. Let's take the good ole dumb’ed down ones from Sunday school.
Ouch. Yup he's actually writing it.
Originals
1) Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2) Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.
3) Thou shalt not take the name of the lord in vain.
4) Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
5) Honour thy father and thy mother.
6) Thou shalt not kill.
7) Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8) Thou shalt not steal.
9) Thou shalt not bear false witness.
10) Thou shat not covet.
The Newly Improved Moloquinized Version
1) If you are going to believe in a higher power, make sure that you are worshipping it for the right reasons.
2) If you do have a faith, don't only have a convenient faith on the holidays. In other words, shit or get off the pot.
3) If you are believe in something strongly enough, don't talk shit about it. If you do, I guess you really don't believe in it as strongly as you though you did.
4) Anything worth believing in is worth discussing. It's probably a good idea to talk to your friends about it, but don't try to convince them you are right. Just tell them so they don't think you're on crack, or slowly going nuts.
5) Respect what your parents tell you, if it's a valid opinion, and it's good advice. If it is something that you question or don't believe, call them on it, or do your own research to see if you should do it/believe in it or not. Most of the time your parents are right, but not always...
6) Don't kill anything. I repeat anything. Not only should you not kill people, don't kill anything else. All life is sacred.
7) Don't screw around on you significant other, unless you are both into that kind of thing. If one of you isn't but the other is, don't be a dick/bitch and try to hide it. Be an adult and step forward. If you are big enough to screw around, be big enough to admit it and cut the other person loose by telling them the truth.
8) If it doesn't belong to you, don't take it. Chances are some one else had to work for what ever it is you just lifted.
9) Don't lie about what people do or don't do. We're fucked up enough without spreading shit about everyone else.
10) Just because someone you know has cool things, don't get yourself all worked up about not having the same (or cooler) stuff. For the most part, the fun is getting the cool things...then you get bored of them and would gladly let some one borrow them.
That's it. See y'all later.
>>>>>>>
I would have written something about scientology, but I'm afraid Tom Cruise and Isaac Hayes would have come to my house and killed me, or made me eat placenta at the least.
>>>>>>>
BTW, Robot Chicken Rocks. And so does Wonder Showzen.
Let's keep the blasphemy train going shall we? No, I'm not going to go on with some dull and boring (to some) history lesson. I think it's time to have some fun again. I've been writing about some less than comedic topics lately, so let’s combine them. This is either going to be very amusing, down right silly, or just plain stupid. I guess we'll see how it pans out by the time I'm done. I can already see people who know me shaking their heads at this one. I figure, since I was complaining so loudly about all the omissions from the bible in the last entry, it's time for the prophet Moloquin to step forward and update a bit. Now people who know me are really shaking their heads. I can almost hear the whispers of "No, don't do it". Well, I'm going to do it anyways, and it's an excuse for another list, but this one has precedence, and providence, so I don't feel guilty about doing it. Here we go. An updated version of the ten commandments, but let's not use the exact ones from the scripture. Let's take the good ole dumb’ed down ones from Sunday school.Ouch. Yup he's actually writing it.
Originals
1) Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2) Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.
3) Thou shalt not take the name of the lord in vain.
4) Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
5) Honour thy father and thy mother.
6) Thou shalt not kill.
7) Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8) Thou shalt not steal.
9) Thou shalt not bear false witness.
10) Thou shat not covet.
The Newly Improved Moloquinized Version
1) If you are going to believe in a higher power, make sure that you are worshipping it for the right reasons.
2) If you do have a faith, don't only have a convenient faith on the holidays. In other words, shit or get off the pot.
3) If you are believe in something strongly enough, don't talk shit about it. If you do, I guess you really don't believe in it as strongly as you though you did.
4) Anything worth believing in is worth discussing. It's probably a good idea to talk to your friends about it, but don't try to convince them you are right. Just tell them so they don't think you're on crack, or slowly going nuts.
5) Respect what your parents tell you, if it's a valid opinion, and it's good advice. If it is something that you question or don't believe, call them on it, or do your own research to see if you should do it/believe in it or not. Most of the time your parents are right, but not always...
6) Don't kill anything. I repeat anything. Not only should you not kill people, don't kill anything else. All life is sacred.
7) Don't screw around on you significant other, unless you are both into that kind of thing. If one of you isn't but the other is, don't be a dick/bitch and try to hide it. Be an adult and step forward. If you are big enough to screw around, be big enough to admit it and cut the other person loose by telling them the truth.
8) If it doesn't belong to you, don't take it. Chances are some one else had to work for what ever it is you just lifted.
9) Don't lie about what people do or don't do. We're fucked up enough without spreading shit about everyone else.
10) Just because someone you know has cool things, don't get yourself all worked up about not having the same (or cooler) stuff. For the most part, the fun is getting the cool things...then you get bored of them and would gladly let some one borrow them.
That's it. See y'all later.
>>>>>>>
I would have written something about scientology, but I'm afraid Tom Cruise and Isaac Hayes would have come to my house and killed me, or made me eat placenta at the least.
>>>>>>>
BTW, Robot Chicken Rocks. And so does Wonder Showzen.
posted by Reverend Moloquin at 10:04 PM
2 Comments:
Keeping up with your religious post, the most recent Wonder Showzen bit I watched had a kid standing outside of a Catholic church dressed up as a dead pope and asking people off-the-wall questions, like "Am I going to hell for dressing up like the pope's rotting corpse" or saying something like "Denying scientific truth. High Five!" or "On behalf of the Catholic Church..Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!".
I like your new annotated versions better. Less stuffy, more user-friendly.
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