Life, or Something Like It.

I remember back in my teenage/early twenty years being rebellious. Not rebelling as a social statement, or rebelling because everyone else was in my generation, but actually feeling a righteous outrage towards many of societies downfalls. I remember getting into many a debate (or argument depending on how much alcohol was involved) about politics, religion, and all the other stuff that is guaranteed to start a very uncomfortable feeling around any apartment. One of the worst things that anyone could bring was the topic of nuclear power. I would go on and on forever about the detriments of that topic. These days I keep a lot of my opinions to myself, namely to keep my own sanity, and to keep my friends, but those same thoughts still linger in the back of my head. I realized that tonight as I was watching TV. There was this smiley happy commercial about how good nuclear power is. I now realize all the positive aspects of nuclear power, as well as the detriments that I knew about when I was a teenager, but even so the hairs stood up on the back of my neck and I had twinges of the rebellious anger I had once embraced. It's still not the perfect solution, or even a good solution for that matter, but I'm not going to stray into bitching about how we are killing the planet. That was not the topic of this entry. Maybe later Virginia. The topic of tonights show was rebellion...

I always thought that the rebellious streak in me would have ended once I became an "Adult". Well, let me let you in on a little secret friends. I'm still waiting to become said "Adult". In all honesty, the rebellious part of me had receded into the deeper, darker sections of the cerebellum over the past bunch of years, but it's just been snoozing. Every once in a while something pokes the sleeping bear and it wakes up. It often shocks me when it comes out. One recent occasion occurred while I was out for dinner with a bunch of people. We were just sitting down for a nice meal when the topic of health care came up. Without getting into the details of my view of the subject, which are definitely what you would call strong, I started going off. I pulled the soapbox out and started sermonizing on the subject. Ten minutes later I stepped down (figuratively), took a deep breath to make up for the fact that I had basically stopped breathing while I was preaching, and looked around the table. Everyone was staring and not saying a word, then something interesting happened. The table next to us started applauding. Someone over at the applauding table said "I'd vote for you". How fucked up is that? It was one of the rare situations where I was left speechless. I think I muttered something not entirely like thank you, which probably came out sounding like thrmmm ummm and just started eating again. I had no idea what the proper course of action was after something like that. Eventually we all started talking about the usual stupid shit and the whole thing was forgotten. For a moment I felt like I was the same teenager who thought he could change the world for the better by saying the right words. Luckily that delusion is mostly curbed now.

I still embrace a lot of the rebellious nature of my youth, but keep the lid on it more often then not. Unfortunately we live in a society where open rebellion is not often appreciated, doubly so if you are passionate about it. Once upon a time I did think that I was going to change the world, and I still feel that way occasionally, but I've learned not to use that as my guiding force anymore. I think that it sucks that we can't live that way, and do what we are truly meant to do, but that doesn't put the biscuits on the table so to speak.

Well, I ended that on a depressing note didn't I? I think the important bit is to hold onto all the values that made us become who we are. I'm not the same person that I was at twenty, but all those ideals still make up a part of me. I don't think I'd want to be the same angst ridden, self destructive person that I was then. It would be too hard to hold down a job while getting pissed off on a daily basis. It does come out occasionally, but that personality usually stays in the attic along with bitter man. It's better for those to party animals to hang out together anyways. No one else would want to party with them anyways.

Here, have a quote.

"When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion."
C. P. Snow