He is winding the Watch of his Wit; by and by it will Strike.

First off tonight, I'm going to share a tale which didn't even happen to me, but it's such a good story I can't help but share it. I've always wondered about the police force in the town where I live. Almost every time I've had any dealings with the cops I've always been left with a bad taste in my mouth. Not in the way like I didn't deserve that ticket that they gave me and I'm gonna turn into one of the rednecks on cops (I truly deserve the tickets I have received), but in the pure unprofessionalism in the way they acted. Most of the time I've had to deal with the “wet behind the ears” rookies. These guys have a chip on their shoulder the size of a cinderblock, and lucky for everyone in my neighborhood we have one of these guys who have claimed it as his beat. The person who seems to have the least amount of fun with this cop is my father. My dad is one of those guys who looks like they run against the grain. Little bit of an anti-authoritarian streak in him, but at least I know where I get it from. Anyways, he's coming home from work or something and has to make a left hand turn at a light, so he waits for his shot, and takes it. As he's turning he realizes he can't turn into the proper lane because of a car sitting there so he goes into the outside lane instead of the inside. Yes, this is illegal, and yes everyone does it, but it's neither here nor there. As he pulls around the corner he notices the blue and white car in his rearview. I can only imagine what was running through his head. I know what I’d be thinking. It's a four letter word that rhymes with grit, but this is where the story becomes unique. The cop doesn't pull him over or start up the horns; instead the cop throws on the cherries, flies up beside my dad, grimaces at him, and throws him the finger. Yup, here it is again. The cop gave my dad the finger. I think this offended my dad more than getting a ticket. The worst part was as he was sharing the story with me on Father's day, I could see he was getting just as pissed off as when it happened, and all I could do was laugh. Not at my father, but at the audacity of a cop flipping someone the bird. I had a great conclusion to this paragraph, but I lost it somewhere along the way, so we'll pull out a staple way to end. Titties.

I'm watching TV tonight and a commercial comes on which again proved to me how close we are to turning into Gerbils. This commercial in particular is for pre-cooked breakfast sausages. The whole premise is you can just nuke these precooked suckers and have your sausage in seconds. That in itself I don't have much of an issue with, I'm all about convenience, but the part that I was debating the logic of was when they tried the sales pitch on me. To paraphrase, "you should be these pre-cooked sausages because of the inconvenience and the trying times of cooking breakfast sausages". Huh? Last I checked it was open package, through them in a hot pan or skillet, cook the little bastards for about 5 minutes, and eat. Wow, that was inconvenient. Damn, I can't go to work today Boss, because I used all my energy cooking these little breakfast sausages. I should be in tomorrow, unless I cook eggs. Those bastards exhaust me for a week. Come on people. There is a line where convenience crosses over to laziness. When we need something cooked for us that only requires five minutes to cook in the first place, maybe you should reconsider what you are buying.

And now, here's a running list of things that have happened over the past two weeks since I updated last. Ready? Steady? GO.

Never blame technology for screwing up if you are too dense to know how to use it. Chances are if you can break the same thing six times in two months, when no one else can, it's probably your fault. A poor man blames his tools.

If you have never replaced a shower/tub valve before, don't. If you have (like myself), and sign up to do it again, you're an idiot, or she's really pretty and you're still an idiot, unless you're a plumber. No wonder you get seventy five bucks an hour.

I celebrated the first year since I escaped from my marriage. Yay for me. Pass the fucking whiskey.

After twelve years since dating, I actually have less of a clue when someone is hitting on me then I did back then, if that's possible. But, luckily for me, it kicks in about half an hour later when it is too late to do anything about it. Yay for me again.


If you can get to expert in Guitar Hero (Myself included) you should probably get out more often. The sad part is I have about $10,000.00 worth of Guitars in my basement, but yet I play my twenty dollar plastic one instead...I am an idiot.

If it can be hacked, hack it. If it can't, hack it.

That's it. I'm done. I'll try to update more often. Really, I will, but to make up for the lack of entries, everyone gets two quotes today. One is from the most quotable man of all time, Voltaire. The other one is not.

"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly."
Voltaire

"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none."
Thomas Carlyle

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And just to add insult to injury, guess who got popped doing 89 in a 60 today...

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