Sometimes the Best Things are Left Unsaid.

It's odd you can be sitting around chilling out, not really thinking about anything in particular, when you will have some memory from the past hop into your head from nowhere. I'm not talking about anything revolutionary like some grand unified field theory that you came up with over pints some night, but just menial day to day kind of things. It's not like it's an amazing thought process, but just interesting in the way the brain will file stuff away for later.

About five years ago or so I was out for coffee with an (ex) friend and his (ex) wife while my (ex) wife was away somewhere. Looks like I could have some basis for some dysfunction there. Anyways, we're out for coffee at a little coffee pub talking about the same useless shit that you talk about during such excursions for a couple of hours and decided to pack it in for the night. We get in my car (because all my exfriends are useless and never actually learned how to drive) and start heading home, cruising up King Street in my home town carrying on the same stupid conversations. We're driving along our merry way when we all happen to glance out of the passenger side of the car because something has grabbed our attention. It turns out what grabbed our attention was a pair of young women exposing their pairs of, ahem, what's the PC term for this...ah, screw it. The pulled there shirts up and showed us their tits. Now, being the person I am, I'm not about to throw this opportunity away, so since they're exposing them, I just go ahead and gawk, and I might add, I'm not exactly being secretive about it. I may have even said to the others in the car, "Look, Tits". Now, at this time you could almost feel the change in atmosphere in the car.

I should explain something here. The couple in the car with me had some interesting, or rather ridiculous, views on nudity, pr0n, and all the other good things in life. Basically, he was a closet porn freak, and she was so self conscious that any nudity was a bad thing and therefore subject to a nuclear meltdown moment. Background is set, on with the story.

Most people when viewing a couple during a "domestic" would become quiet, or just try to pull away for the conversation, but not the reverend. Folks, you might look at me as a dick for this, but I just can't let an opportunity like this pass by. I then proceed to talk about the afore mentioned tits to great lengths. I'm talking about roundness, firmness (or at least how firm they appeared), perkiness, colour of nipples, etc, etc, etc. I'm now getting the Look from the guy next to me in the front seat. Many of you will know the look I'm talking about. The "Shut up, my wife’s in the back seat, so shut up right now, but you can be sure I'll want to talk about it as soon as she is out of earshot" Look. Yeah, that one. She is doing her best statue impersonation in the back seat, with the equivalent look of someone who just found out that their birth control pills had been swapped out for Tic Tac's by they're younger brother as a joke. You could almost see the steam coming out of her head.

A normal man would probably shut up at this point, but no one will ever claim the reverend is normal.

So, after getting the look from her husband, as soon as the next red light comes about, I make sure to turn around to the marble sculpture in the back seat and say, "Did you see those tits?"

If there was a time lapse video, you could probably see the redness increasing in her face.

At this point, I figure I'd stirred up the pot enough and resumed my driving quietly, smirking the entire way to dropping them off. There was only one comment from the back seat the entire way. I believe the exact phrase that dribbled up from the back seat was "Fucking Sluts".

How typical. I think that was the point where I got a little pissed off. Yeah, a couple of girls flashed us, and maybe they were sluts, but who cares. They were probably drunk and out having fun. Let it be. I enjoyed it, the guy beside me enjoyed it, even if he was too scared to admit it. Just because you have some self esteem issues that those other two girls obviously don’t, don't become a bitch and get hyper defensive and transfer your problems into something else. Grow up. It's not like I was going to pull over to the side of the road and yell out the window, "Hey Girls, wanna fuck my buddy? His wife is a bitch and is in the back seat, but I'm sure that she'd approve, even though you are sluts."

I don't get it when people get all angry and defensive in situations like that. I mean, how can a two second thing get you that pissed off and keep you angry for hours afterwards. Some people need to really grow up and live life for enjoyment, and not worry about what the rest of the world does. Besides, I enjoyed it, and that's all that matters.

In conclusion, thank you girls for showing me your tits. It definately made my night, and I'm single now, so if you are sluts...

And if anyone has an extra pair of sunglasses to give me to replace the ones I left in the restaurant tonight, feel free to donate.

"If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it."
Herodotus