Shoot me again, I Ain't Dead Yet.

Let's see. Sysadmin day has come and gone, I have had an unmitigated week from hell (we're talking the seventh layer with demons shitting down your throat and Nickelback serenading you the entire time), and I'm drinking a beer. I'm sitting at home, by myself, drinking beer. Damnit, when I was 19 I never pictured that. Oh well, onward and upward. The Caffreys tastes good anyways so it's all good. Just wish I had more. That's an equation that's easily solved with a small trip to the liquor store, or I switch up to whiskey, but drinking whiskey at home by myself would mean that I have a problem. I don't have any mix.

The title of this one is a tip of the hat to one of the most influential bands of all time. I'm talking about Metallica. Not the bad chunk of their career starting with that piece 'o' shit everyone loved called Enter Sandman (to be perfectly honest, compared to other songs on that album, it's not a bad tune, but that's like asking if you would prefer Syphilis or Gonorrhea) and ended some point later. I'd like to say when they were at the bottom of the pit, but I had given up on them long before that. I've recently come back into the flock with their latest release (don't judge it by the single, it's not the strongest track) and realized how important of a role music has played in my life. Maybe I've gotten back into them for the memories I had growing up, although unlikely. I think it's because the album is genuinely good. Of course now when I listen to them I won't end up in some slam dancing pit at a bush party dodging broken beer bottles. In a sick and twisted way it could be fun to do that again...for a few minutes anyways before I looked around and realized that I'm too out of shape and old to be doing that shit.

Since we're talking about past memories, I think it's time to put a great fallacy to rest. The whole idea about "you'll look back at these as the best year's of your life". I guess I haven't had those best years yet, because when I look back all I think is a penetrating "Fuck no" about the whole mess. We can start at those teenage years (I'm not going to go back any earlier than that because you aren't really even a person until you are a teenager) of high school and the brief period before your twenties. High school sucked. I wasted to many years of my life sitting there being bored, when I showed up at least. There were a few spots of really memorable stuff in there. Many, many concerts, many nights of decadent drink-fests, a few of the ex-girlfriends, the whole getting rid of the virginity thing, and spending the hours I was supposed to be in school hanging out with my friends who also didn't feel like attending those hallowed halls. I think returning to the teenage years would be a fun weekend, maybe a week, but live my life like that? Fuck no. Not on a bet. That was a very, very decadent, self-serving and slovenly time, and as much fun as some bits were, I couldn't live fly by night like I was back then (yeah, like I'm so responsible and such a straight arrow now).

Fast forward a bit...

My twenties. Hmmm, lets sum them up quickly (and in chronological order I might add, just for fun)...battled with various addictions, lived with a couple of girls, got engaged, didn't get married, rediscovered addictions, beat addictions again, got engaged again, got married, got divorced, decided not to re-acquaint myself with addictions, work, work, more work, work, some more work just for a change, go home after a week of unmitigated hell, drink beer. Go back to that? Fuck no.

That one bled into the thirties a little bit. Felt like my twenties anyways. Only difference is all the work mixed in for fun.

Now after reading this far you might be looking at the rev with a slightly cocky look in your eye thinking "what a bitter asshole", but that's not the goal of this entry. Yes, I can be a bitter asshole, but the point is this. Ready? It's the important bit. Even with all that (and I'm not pulling a holier than thou, or a look at me jumping up and down thing here) I still think that there are some great things in store for me and those "best years" are still yet to come. Or, how bout this folks, the best years aren't a decade or even a couple of years, but they are those little memories that always cause a smile or get stuck in your head. I still remember the first day of sun after the summer of unpleasantness and decided then and there that things were ok. It's maybe a three second vision, but it's still very important to me. No matter where/when I am in my life, I remember the sunset that night, the color of the sky, and the smell of the evening and it takes me back to that moment in time when I realized everything's cool.

I guess I should go get some food in me before I indulge to deeply into the fun with alcohol part of the evening.

BTW, go see Clerks2. It's Kevin Smith at his finest.

>>>>>>>

This is not to be construed as a racial slur whatsoever, but it's just one of those funny as shit things I had to share. You don't know funny until you see a minivan in a fast food drive through (yes, I bought fast food. Call it comfort food after the abysmal week) with some fellow who can barely speak English arguing with the 16 year old at the other end tinny, undecipherable speaker about the three fillet o' fishes sandwiches he's trying to order with extra sauce. Last I checked there wasn't any hummus in a fillet o' fish, but I swore he tried to get some on it. Well, I thought it was funny anyways.