Sausagechrist, Sausagechrist, Sausagechrist, Sausagechrist.

Every once in a while I trip back to those days gone by and revisit my tastes from the past. I don't mean put on a pair of way too tight jeans, grab my leather jacket (which I still have in a box BTW, I case the metalhead in me decides to come out and play), and grow my hair down to my ass, but I do trip back in music tastes. Recently I've been listening to all that music that I was into in that golden age of music in the late 80's and early nineties. I was a card carrying, leather wearing, Head Banger. God, I still think that term sucks ass. I'm going to blame this recent resurgence of metal in my life on Sausagechrist (this will be come clear in time gentle reader), and I am not sure if it is a good thing or not yet.

I am not one of those folks who is at that stage in life with music where "everything made in the past 10 years is garbage", and I hope never to be at that stage. I still discover new stuff weekly that appeals to me, but there is something to be said about finding that old mix tape you made in your senior year of high school, digging out that Ghetto Blaster that you have been storing in your attic for some unknown reason, and dropping it in for a listen. Of course, last time I listened to the afore mentioned tape I was probably drunk somewhere professing how I would never cut my hair or get a nine to five job instead of wondering how I was going to pay my bills, and whether or not I should do my taxes early for a change. Strange how things turn out isn't it...

So I'm listening to all this classic stuff (just for background, here is the partial list, Slayer, Metallica, Nuclear Assault, Megadeth, Testament, etc.) and remembering how much I grooved on it, and still do I might add. I also remember the whole metal movement of the 80's and 90's. I wasn't into the mainstream "Glam" metal, but into the speed metal, or thrash stuff. It was a strange time, because there was a whole clique of people who were all into the same thing (metal), but the sub-cliques (see above) absolutely hated each other. It made for very awkward Xmas moments..."thanks for the Poison album distant relative who doesn't know me"...off to the garbage that went.

The worst thing by far was the appearance. Mind you, the stuff I was into had a pretty simple uniform. Jeans, T-shirt, usually with the name of some band you were into, high tops or boots, and leather jacket. That was it. Pretty hard to screw that up. Then there was the other side of the coin...and these cats bothered me. A lot. The big hair with 4 full cans of hairspray in it, lipstick, eyeliner, Leather pants 2 sizes to small, some frilly shirt barely closed. Oh, just for you folks who weren't around, or into music yet, this was the Guys wearing this stuff. I shit you not. And, too add insult to injury, they were even getting laid occasionally. How the hell did that happen?

The weird part is, they thought that the look they were in was going to stick around. I still see the odd kid wearing a rock shirt and jeans, but not with big poofy hair and lipstick...Time is one horrible bitch isn't she.

In this state of remembrance, I went out and found a copy of "The decline of western civilization part 2: the metal years" and watched it tonight. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more. I forgot this movie really heavily concentrated on that Glam version of metal. I laughed at the clothing, but laughed even more at the kids in it. I think partially because they looked so ridiculous, but also because they seemed to think they were the first generation to be rebellious. I know I was also guilty of this growing up, but like all things, it had to end. The creepiest part was watching some guy saying that "if my band doesn't get famous, I might as well kill myself, because I don't know how to do anything else". Well, I've never heard of that band since...Guess that's one less make up wearing freak to worry about...

And again, all things must come to an end. I cut my hair off, realized that I have to do something, got a job and plodded into work everyday, but you know what...the mindset never left. I still have a lot of that same 18 year old kid inside my head, and that's the magical bit. I still carry around that attitude...I still play my guitar everyday...and I still think that guys who poof up their hair with hairspray and wear makeup are friggin idiots.

The World Today Seems Absolutely Crackers

Earlier today (or maybe yesterday, I can't remember) I wrote an entry about the futility of some (note I said some, not all) relationships and how they probably shouldn't be relationships. It may have been fate, or destiny, or some other crock 'o' shite, but the computer I was authoring it on decided to puke just as I was spell checking it.

Yes, I'm an IT guy, and no, my machines are not all in good shape. Go ask a car mechanic what his/her car is like.

So, this entry I wrote is gone to data heaven, that great bit bucket in the sky, and this is the point when I have to consider if it is worth re-writing. Maybe it is, maybe not, but there are definitely a couple of points that are probably worth remaking. And so, here is the abridged version of a Blog entry that was lost, and since you don't have the original, I can pretty much say whatever I want in this one...

There is a saying about absolute power I think...

Ok, here is the relationship advice from the Rev. Oh, and take it with as many grains of salt as you wish, because the mid 30's divorced guy may not have the best advice.

Firstly, if you aren't happy in a relationship, get the fuck out. It's not worth sticking around in it just because ending it is too much of an inconvenience. I'm not perfect, I should have gotten out of a couple I was in (read marriage in between the lines), but moving forward, I definitely have a game plan. Not that there is any marriage in this cats future. Trust me on that one folks. The minute I even appear like I am thinking of taking that plunge again, someone come up behind me with a shotgun and spray my grey matter all over the walls like some crazy Jackson Pollock painting. I'll deserve it, and now you all have my permission. Life is way to short to be stuck in a bad relationship.

Second, every six to eight weeks you are with someone, get the fuck away from them for a week. Seriously. There are a couple reasons to do this. One, you get to learn about yourself, see if you are changing, and whether or not it is in a good way. (gross sentence, I know, gimme a break it's three in the morning). Two, if you are truly meant to be with that person, you will miss them like mad. If you don't, you probably shouldn't be there.

Thirdly, there is nothing wrong with being by yourself. Do not be scared and jump into something stupid because you feel like it's expected of you, or that you feel like you "have" to be with someone. You know what, there are a lot of good points to being by yourself. I cooked up half a pound of bacon for dinner tonight. Yeah, my heart don't like it, and my workout schedule really doesn't like it, but you know what, I can do it, so I did. Then I played video games for a few hours, chatted on my shackle, I mean Blackberry, for a while, and concluded by watching Close Encounters of the Third Kind again. Wow, what a resourceful and meaningful day. And that would be my point. I could do that and not have to worry about it. Not a bad thing see...

Don't get me wrong. I think a meaningful relationship is a wonderful thing, for the right people, of which I'm probably not part of...at least right now.

Fourth, that whole opposites attract thing, yup it's true. Does it make for a meaningful relationship? Usually not. At least not long term. Can be exceptionally fun in the short term though. Usually incredibly powerful though.

Fifth, and this one I direct mainly at any of the guys who read this drivel. LEARN about your partner. Not by watching porn and flipping through skin mags, although they have their place, as an educational aid they are not. (We're going to let my ego run a little bit here, deal with it) If there is one thing I hear from the females in my life (both friends and others) it's that their partner/past partner/etc doesn't really know what to do when it comes to time in the sack. True, anyone can walk up to the plate and hit a home run once in a hundred pitches, but it's more rewarding to get a better average than one in a hundred. As I've written before, if you think you are doing it right, you probably aren't. Practice, listen and learn guys. Makes for a better experience all around.

Sixth. Ok gals, now for you. In exact opposition to what I said to the guys, porn is an excellent teacher for what most guys want. As much as we may want that wholesome nice girl out in public, we usually want the whore in the bedroom. And yet another way in which the genders differ. Grand. Anyways, here is the one bit of advice I'd give you, if we (meaning males) are doing something wrong, weird, or just plain stupid, tell us. We will learn. Oh and one other thing. Get into it. If you don't, we won't either, and no one wants that.

Bah, enuff of relationship alley. The last bit though, to anyone who is around when I start slagging marriage, take it with a grain of salt. Just because my marriage was an unmitigated disaster, does not mean that anyone else's will be. I just may act out occasionally due to the jaded and bitter nature that sometimes creeps out. Just laugh at it and move on, and never let me tell you I told you so. Forever is a very long time.

And the last point of the night, those things around you are called windshields. People can see through them. I can see you picking your nose. Stop it. It's nasty. In turn, feel free to express yourselves to each other behind them. That's just good entertainment.

Welcome to the United State of Molobi.

So, I've decided (sorta) that I've had enough of phone calls for Willy and his grounds keeping service, and thus have let my phone be canceled. Every time you move there is a series of things you move with you. Electricity service (need that), water and gas (yup, need those too), TV (don't really need it, but kind of nice, but still entirely un-necessary (guess what is next to go)) and phone (not even a nicety...a way to be annoyed on a regular basis yes, but nice, no). I really don't need it, at all. Everyone who knows me knows how much I dislike that particular invention, and the only people who call me on my house line are people either trying to get me to spend money, or people who are trying to collect money, like the phone company. Piss on you Jack, I've unplugged. In this day and age, everyone has about 4 different ways of being reached, so I've just made myself have one less.

The fun thing about canceling the phone is the assumptions.

"Why don't you have a phone? Is it because you can't afford it?"

"Nope. I could afford it if I wanted it, but I don't need it."

"Come on, Is someone after you for something? Is that why you canceled it?"

"No, I really don't want it. I hate talking on it, and it is mainly a source of aggravation when you are trying to sleep off a bender from the night before and it won't stop ringing, and when you do answer it, it's someone from the afore mentioned bender asking what you are doing up so early after being out so late last night drinking. No thanks."

"Really?"

"No, I've been lying to you all this time. I'm secretly afraid of the secret government trolls listening to all the secrets about Area 51 I revealed to the telemarketers who call me. I've told them all the secrets, and now the trolls are filling my food with brain altering drugs that make me want to subscribe to all the phone extras and order pizza with fruit on it. Piss off."

Another awesome thing is you get a "get out of jail free card" when you don't have a phone and the box stores want to give you a credit card. Fill out the form and tell them that you don't have a phone number. They simply don't know what to do and tell you to go away. Almost as fun as telling them you are on welfare.

Ok, you're right. I actually gave up my phone for lent. Wait...when is lent? Do you have to give up something you enjoy for lent? I think priests should give up buggering little boys for lent. Personally, I gave up religion for lent, forgot where I put it, and haven't looked back since.

Watch out TV providers, you're going next year...

Oh, and Molobi is a real sovereign nation. Next time you see me at the bar, buy me a beer and I'll tell you all about it, and try to get you to become a citizen. Do it. You get a free cookie when you sign up.