In Time, This Too Shall Pass

This week influenza has decided to camp out at my place. I'm not liking it very much, and due to my constant aggravated assaults against it, I'm sure it's not enjoying it's stay either. The nastier part is the other guy on my team at work is also sick. Come back and get your computer fixed, and we'll throw in the flu for free. Unfortunately, there always has to be at least one of us there since the job is a support role, and since one of us has to be in, we might as well both be there to suffer. I'm pretty sure that to anyone who did come back for help we looked like a couple of dead fish under a fishmongers display, glassy eyed and staring off into nowhere for extended periods of time. I'm not entirely sure who gave it to who, or where it all started from, but someone needs to be punished for this. I suppose I should stay home so I don't spread it around, but why stop it now before everyone is having fun?

Tomorrow one of the greatest (and oddest) inventions of all time is passing from my hands to some one else's. Lets all stroll back to the early 80's. Back to the days of neon stretch pants, jelly bracelets and bad hair metal bands. Inbetween all the bad clothes and bad hair, video gaming was skyrocketing and every company was trying to get in on the action. General Consumer Electric decided to get in on the rage and built something called the Vectrex. This thing was an all in one video gaming solution with controller, screen and power all in one. It was easily portable (for the time), but by far the coolest thing was it used vector graphics. I'll geek out here a second and try to explain the difference. Remember Asteroids or Star Wars in the arcade? Everything was drawn with lines. It looked like an experiment in geometry. If you took a computer class in school, and you are from my generation, you might remember a program where you would draw shapes on those computers with the green and black screens with this triangle shaped thing that was the cursor, more commonly called the turtle. You would punch in really simple math equations that translated to screen positions and it would draw the line. Everything you drew look like it came off of an etch-a-sketch. I guess the nearest thing to this now would be Geometry wars for the Xbox platforms. To top it off, there were these crazy clear overlays that fit right onto the screen so it looked like it was in color, even though all the screen could project was Black and White. Think of a photography filter, or a gel for over a stage light. Eventually the overlays would warp and discolor, but that just added to the ambiance of the thing. Like all of the weird video gaming systems from the early 80's it really didn't do very well and faded into obscurity. I saved it from an old buddy of mines place back in the early 90's and have kept it with all my other weird old electronic crap.

Ok, I'm done geeking out.

Anyways, Ender is moving back to the states and has a pile of stuff he is trying to get rid of. There were a couple of things that piqued my interest and we started chatting. Turns out he has old weird stuff too, but is missing a vectrex from his collection. We've come up with some stuff that we both want from each others list and arranged a trade. I'd only let it go to someone who can appreciate how cool and weird it is, so it's going to a good new home.

The scary thing is I remember when these things came out. I was up at the plaza by my parents house (coincidentally I can see that same plaza from where I live now) in the radio shack and seen one near the trash 80's. I fell in love with the thing as soon as I seen it. It looked just like the Asteroids arcade machine, but smaller. Of course I couldn't afford the it (sucker was 200 bones back in 1983), but that didn't make me want it any less. It's nature of the stuff you want when you are a kid. I'd like to say I've outgrown that part of my nature, but I can't as look over at my entertainment center and can count way to many electronic goodies hanging off of my TV.

If it's true that he who dies with the most toys wins I'm pretty sure I'm in the running. Of course, one could also say I need to get out more.

Moloquin the Centegenarian

Woot! One hundredth post. I wish I had something important to say to make it more monumental, but I don't. I did write a new song for the Moloquin's stupidest hits album so you can grab that if you want. I seem to be following a muppet theme lately. Once all the songs are done I'll post some stupid artwork to go along with all the stupid songs and you can make yourself a brand-spankin new Moloquin album.

Yip Yip

Left click to listen or right click -> Save As to save it.

I promise, when something monumental happens (or when I feel like it), I'll update with a real one. I'm guessing that no one wants to hear about the great Wii hunt of '06 so we'll pass on that tale. Maybe I was holding off willing something monumental to happen for the hundredth post, but I guess we'll never know now.

On a plus note I just remembered my FTP account password so you do get to grab the new song, otherwise it would have ended up on some haggard webspace that would have been slow as shit.

Later kids.

If you are really bored, go here Damn Interesting and you can learn all the great secrets of the clan of clavin, plus it will give you something good to chat about at the next social gathering/groping/coffee excursion.

Le Sigh...

Son of Nutbucket

I'm sitting at my desk at work last week when one of the guys from accounting comes over and says "I just heard...

Wait. Maybe I should start at the beginning of the story instead of the middle, or at least get the facts down so it makes sense. I swear my brain is like a giant boggle game some days. Little dancing, lettered dice just throwing out whatever they feel like.

So, let’s start again. Remember that small(ish) software company I work for? Well, I don't really directly work for them any more (sorta). The company I work for was bought by a huge multinational conglomerate. I'm not going to name drop, but lets say that the company who bought our little company would be known in any household you dropped the name in, and the new parent company has they're hand in a little bit of everything. From apples to nuts, this company has a piece of it. I guess that's a good thing for corporate discounts, let’s hope they have something to do with Line 6 so I can get a good price on a new guitar. Back to the story.

I'm sitting at my desk at work last week when one of the guys from accounting comes over and says "I just heard what is in the little gift box that COMPANY DELETED is giving out, and you thought the nutbucket was bad. I can't wait to read what you are going to be writing about this."

My first thought was "Cool, we are getting gift boxes." followed by, "Worse than the Nutbucket? I highly doubt it."

Let me explain the use of the nutbucket in the Moloquin house. Out of all the nuts in the bucket, I eat one, maybe 2 packs. I give the chocolate covered stuff away to friends. Usually I can give away another pack to someone in the office. Then there are always a bunch of packs of nuts that no one wants, sitting there like the last dozen cornflakes in the two cereal boxes in your cupboard. You don't want to throw them out, but you know damn well you are never going to eat them. Eventually I crack open one of the packs so I can throw nuts at people around the office, which is just annoying enough that I enjoy doing it. Next step is to dump all the nuts out of the bucket (and just in case you don't believe me, I can see one of the past years empty buckets sitting beside me as I write this...with numerous little dents all over it and holding DVD's), take the newly emptied bucket and proceed to use it as either a hat, which is not very annoying, or as a drum which is unbelievably annoying and therefore unbelievably fun for me, but not for anyone else near my cube farm. I think everyone really regrets the year they gave us the bucket that was made out of metal. That's the one in the picture. You see, the wood ones would eventually break and then end up in the garbage (along with the last few packs of nuts that I hadn't thrown away yet), but the metal ones last forever...

After a bunch of orientation meetings we were given our small red gift boxes. Now, patience is not one of my strong points, so I immediately proceeded to tear that sucker open and see what was inside.

Inside was a vast collection of stuff. Stuff is about the only word I can use for it. There were bandages, cleaning supplies, glue sticks, office supplies, etc. etc. Various little neat things.

There is at least one valid reason why this gift box is better than the nutbucket. The primary reason being I can actually use 90% of this stuff. It is actually useable, unlike a bunch of nuts (other than the afore mentioned, albeit valid but useless uses).

Let me explain something to everyone out there about bachelor life. Those of you who fall into this category should understand exactly what I am talking about, and those who aren't might get some good christmas gift ideas.

When I'm out shopping (as rare as it is) the last thing I am looking at is the sponge section in the supermarket. I really don't know or care what has come about in the rapidly developing field of sponge engineering. I never even glance at that area. When it comes down to a choice of food or some new fangled magic sponge thing, food always wins, and why not save the extra five bucks for coffee? That is actually being facetious. I would never even look at the sponges, or even consider buying them anyways. The cleaning rag I use now seems to be doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing, so why change it. Now, someone gives me the aforementioned new fangled magic sponge with sub-atomic, particle collapsing cleaning ability, I'll use it. Why wouldn't I? It's in my house, let’s clean with it. You know what? It's a pretty good invention. There I am, at 10:30pm on a Thursday night, cleaning my bathroom with stuff from the amazing red gift box, and the best part is, everything in the box is like this. Stuff I would never, ever buy, but if it's given to me, hell yeah, I'm going to use it.

Long live the undisputed King of Suck...The Glorious ruler...The Nutbucket.

Everybody's Free

You know what's strange? Most people come out of a life altering situation and come out changed, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse, but always a change of some kind...and some of us come out of them with a little bit of both. Myself, I came out of mine (and you regular readers will probably know what I'm talking about) much more open about some things, and much more cynical of others. True, I am a different person now, or maybe just a little bit more of the person I was before all the shit hit the fan, but there are many things I've come to terms with about myself in the past couple of years.

A fun term that has been bantered around lately with some of the crew I hang with is the thought of being sociopathic. Now, as horrible of a thought as it is, I think most of us harbor a certain amount of our closet sociopath in our everyday lives, and I think that it is becoming more and more prevalent as the years go by. The $50,000 question is why? We could point our fingers at society, our jobs, our interaction with the public, the constant brainwashing we are all subjected to by the mass media on an hourly basis, but the truth of the matter is we are all allowing ourselves to become that closet sociopath that we secretly all desire to be. I mean, how much easier of a life is it when we are completely egocentric and apathetic to the world around us? When you can sign society off as a lost cause and hope that it will be better the next time around, it relieves us all of the stress of making the world a better place for everyone on it. It's a justification of self preservation, but it is a mighty slippery slope once you start up it. Everyday we look around and put on blinders to everything that is around us that we don't want to see. The real trick here is to truly look around as see everything, good and bad, for what it is. I'm not going to go down the path of how we all walk around like ghosts, as I believe I've already whipped that dead horse, but it's time for us all to open our eyes a little bit wider and absorb more of everything that is around us.

I don't believe in karma, destiny, or fate, but there comes a time when you have to open your eyes a little bit wider to what's around us. Tonight was a prime example. I'm not going to go into nitty-gritty detail, but a few things came through that made me question those belief's I've always so readily contested. Was it destiny, or fate that these things fell into my lap, or just some great cosmic coincidence? I have always thought that life was shaped by fortunate (or unfortunate) coincidence. We can do some things to try and convince the outcome to swaying over to what you want it to be, but ultimately, if the coin flips to the side you don't want coming up, you better hold on tight, and hope the next flip is better.

I really wish I knew where I was going with all this, as I sit here and smoke the cigar that I know is poisoning me, but I really don't know. It appears the train has gone by and took whatever point I was going to make with it, but I will leave you with this. The one thing that everyone should read, and the one thing that everyone should listen to. The first is All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Google for it. It's everywhere. And the second, which stared life in a newspaper editorial by Mary Schmich called Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young and then was turned into a video which took on a life all its own. I'll leave everyone with that for tonight. Everybody's Free(to wear sunscreen)

The Secret Water Buffalo's

I know it's been a while, and The Management is still having their way with me, but it's time for a short entry. This one is not to be construed in away as a dig any one person (or people) in particular, but more of a social commentary from someone looking down on something from a five mile distance. Like all interesting thoughts, this one struck me in the washroom. Don't ask me why, and don't even bother arguing it, because I know you are lying, but most thoughts do come to everyone in the washroom or shower. This one I just found amusing, and what is the point of amusing thoughts if you don't share them with the world.

We all know, or have known, people who are known to, how do I put this correctly...indulge in extra-curricular pharmaceutical use. Ah screw it. Potheads. I have had the pleasure of knowing many of this particular clan, and I'm not talking about the, "Hey, you know what we haven't done since college" folks, but the "it's 4:20, let's light up a J" kinda folks. The Chronics. I don't care what people do, and if you want to do a line off a strippers back, more power to you, but there are a few idiosyncrasies of the sticky green clan that I find hilarious. Besides the fact that none are addicted to it (yeah, and I've never been hooked through the bag on cigarettes either), there are a few other peculiarities with these folks.

Once someone has made it to the chronic status, I think it's hilarious sitting around with them as they try to explain how weed is the end all, be all thing, and how if everyone just got smoked we'd all be happier. Well, no shit. Of course we'd all be happy (and paranoid), but can you imagine the dorito and twinkie famine in the world? Why doesn't anyone think of the poor twinkies. It has always amazed me that suddenly weed is the solution to everything from world peace, and solving the global hunger problem (as long as there are twinkies) to "I could design a completely non-polluting car" and "Physics just make more sense when I'm baked". Can you image Einstein, Niels Bohr and Stephen Hawking all sitting around, cooked out of their minds discussing string theory? I'm sure it would make tonnes of sense at the time, but the general relativity between McCain's chocolate cakes and dark matter probably wouldn't hold much water at the next physics convention.

Did you know that weed, is not only not harmful, but actually beneficial for the body? Well, I've been told this many times, but I can tell you, I don't cough like a lung is going to be passed through my oesophagus while I'm eating a piece of fruit. There is no doubt in my mind that there are many things which are more harmful to the body than weed, but actually beneficial? I think not. Anything you burn and inhale isn't doing you any good. It's also a great substitute for prescription drugs. Yup, It's true! You can give up any meds you may be on and just smoke a bowl. I think this best falls into the "escapism through self-medicating" category. Of course you don't care about you meds when you are cooked, but do you actually care about anything that much?

The one behavioural anomaly that I find the most amusing is the fact that suddenly everyone is a closet pothead. I don't know how many conversations I've had with people that are baked when, out of nowhere, they suddenly proclaiming, "You know, I bet so-and-so does a lot of weed." Now if this was a solitary thing, it wouldn't be as amusing, but if you spend enough time with the same person, suddenly every one they know is a closet chronic. From that person at the office who is a little different, to the mailman, to that dog that is always barking down the street, everyone is a chronic. I'm pretty sure that if you applied this formula, there would be double the population of the world, all baked, all the time. It does tend to become somewhat boring after a while when they have "revealed" the same person 38 times, but still fun. The worst thing you can do is try to dissuade them from thinking this. It will end in a nonstop diatribe of why they must be a pothead. In turn, one of the most fun things you can do is continue to argue as to why they aren't. Arguing with stoned people is a hoot. They will come up with the strangest counters to anything you put out there, that I'm sure make perfect sense in their head, but come out sounding like a chain of non-sequiturs.

I'm not sure why this behaviour always comes out but I think it's like some secret club that they all feel should exist. The secret order of the sticky green initiates. They used to have a secret handshake, but forgot it. The used to have a club house to, but forgot where they put the keys to it...

I know it sounds like I'm coming down hard on people who toke up, but really I'm not. Like I said, I really don't care that much. I've been know to drink way too much alcohol on occasion (Hey, It's Thursday, let's go get pissed!), but I don't get drunk on a regular basis. It's the same with anything in this category. Moderation is the key. You know what, if the shit agreed with my system, I'd probably do it, but it doesn't, so I have a couple of drinks instead. I don't even really have any issue with the chronic, I just find the justifications that come out of their face funny as shit.

Oh, and one last thing, we non-stoned people can tell when you are high. Yes we can, don't even bother trying to think otherwise, and for god sakes, don't try to convince us you aren't. Everyone who has said otherwise is lying. Trust me, the rev knows best in this case.

How's that for instilling paranoia?

Well, we've had some problems locating the new brain. The first one shipped via USPS, and was lost. The Second one, also shipped by USPS, is still stuck at the border and we don't think it's going to ever be released. The third, where we smartened up and shipped it on an ocean steamer with some shady fellow we met outside the clinic, did show up, but somehow managed to be served for dinner at a drug clinic outside of Toronto. For the time being we replaced his brain with that of a Vogon. It seems to be working well as all he has to do is attend meetings and say "No, you can't do that!" over and over again . Overall it seems to be a positive experiment, but, hopefully, the REV. 2 brain will be showing up soon so we can get him back to doing L33t photoshop stuff and start killing it with overdoses of alcohol.

Thank You,
The Management