Sometimes the Best Things are Left Unsaid.

It's odd you can be sitting around chilling out, not really thinking about anything in particular, when you will have some memory from the past hop into your head from nowhere. I'm not talking about anything revolutionary like some grand unified field theory that you came up with over pints some night, but just menial day to day kind of things. It's not like it's an amazing thought process, but just interesting in the way the brain will file stuff away for later.

About five years ago or so I was out for coffee with an (ex) friend and his (ex) wife while my (ex) wife was away somewhere. Looks like I could have some basis for some dysfunction there. Anyways, we're out for coffee at a little coffee pub talking about the same useless shit that you talk about during such excursions for a couple of hours and decided to pack it in for the night. We get in my car (because all my exfriends are useless and never actually learned how to drive) and start heading home, cruising up King Street in my home town carrying on the same stupid conversations. We're driving along our merry way when we all happen to glance out of the passenger side of the car because something has grabbed our attention. It turns out what grabbed our attention was a pair of young women exposing their pairs of, ahem, what's the PC term for this...ah, screw it. The pulled there shirts up and showed us their tits. Now, being the person I am, I'm not about to throw this opportunity away, so since they're exposing them, I just go ahead and gawk, and I might add, I'm not exactly being secretive about it. I may have even said to the others in the car, "Look, Tits". Now, at this time you could almost feel the change in atmosphere in the car.

I should explain something here. The couple in the car with me had some interesting, or rather ridiculous, views on nudity, pr0n, and all the other good things in life. Basically, he was a closet porn freak, and she was so self conscious that any nudity was a bad thing and therefore subject to a nuclear meltdown moment. Background is set, on with the story.

Most people when viewing a couple during a "domestic" would become quiet, or just try to pull away for the conversation, but not the reverend. Folks, you might look at me as a dick for this, but I just can't let an opportunity like this pass by. I then proceed to talk about the afore mentioned tits to great lengths. I'm talking about roundness, firmness (or at least how firm they appeared), perkiness, colour of nipples, etc, etc, etc. I'm now getting the Look from the guy next to me in the front seat. Many of you will know the look I'm talking about. The "Shut up, my wife’s in the back seat, so shut up right now, but you can be sure I'll want to talk about it as soon as she is out of earshot" Look. Yeah, that one. She is doing her best statue impersonation in the back seat, with the equivalent look of someone who just found out that their birth control pills had been swapped out for Tic Tac's by they're younger brother as a joke. You could almost see the steam coming out of her head.

A normal man would probably shut up at this point, but no one will ever claim the reverend is normal.

So, after getting the look from her husband, as soon as the next red light comes about, I make sure to turn around to the marble sculpture in the back seat and say, "Did you see those tits?"

If there was a time lapse video, you could probably see the redness increasing in her face.

At this point, I figure I'd stirred up the pot enough and resumed my driving quietly, smirking the entire way to dropping them off. There was only one comment from the back seat the entire way. I believe the exact phrase that dribbled up from the back seat was "Fucking Sluts".

How typical. I think that was the point where I got a little pissed off. Yeah, a couple of girls flashed us, and maybe they were sluts, but who cares. They were probably drunk and out having fun. Let it be. I enjoyed it, the guy beside me enjoyed it, even if he was too scared to admit it. Just because you have some self esteem issues that those other two girls obviously don’t, don't become a bitch and get hyper defensive and transfer your problems into something else. Grow up. It's not like I was going to pull over to the side of the road and yell out the window, "Hey Girls, wanna fuck my buddy? His wife is a bitch and is in the back seat, but I'm sure that she'd approve, even though you are sluts."

I don't get it when people get all angry and defensive in situations like that. I mean, how can a two second thing get you that pissed off and keep you angry for hours afterwards. Some people need to really grow up and live life for enjoyment, and not worry about what the rest of the world does. Besides, I enjoyed it, and that's all that matters.

In conclusion, thank you girls for showing me your tits. It definately made my night, and I'm single now, so if you are sluts...

And if anyone has an extra pair of sunglasses to give me to replace the ones I left in the restaurant tonight, feel free to donate.

"If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it."
Herodotus

God's be praised...

The time has come.

The Things You Own End Up Owning You.

I am Jack's utter lack of inspiration.

With the re-adjustment to singledom now in full swing I find myself at odds with balancing my social life and personal life. I suppose that's expected. After being with someone everyday for the better part of a decade it can be difficult to discover what to do with yourself in all the extra hours. That's not saying that I get bored or anything (trust me, I have enough hobbies for three people combined), just the re-adjustment to being by yourself is a really strange learning curve. My natural reaction is to be out all the time, even though I know it's counter productive to relaxation and such, but it's all about the experience I suppose. Now to the meat of this entry, which is almost, but not entirely, completely unrelated.

I was reading a very interesting article last week about feral children. Most of the time the stories were actually quite depressing, but I noticed a correlation between many of the events. In most cases the children, when introduced back into society, or just introduced normal human interaction again, had no desire to procreate or have any sex drive what so ever. One aspect of this I suppose could be because of the lack of human interaction, but I've always thought that sex drive would be instinctual rather than desired. I'm positive that desire is a part of it, but seeing that everything has to procreate to continue their species, I've always thought that an instinctual drive would take over at some point. Now, the interesting bit here would be if the desire for sex is not instinctual, can you deny the natural desires of your programming?

Part of me says why deny your natural desire, but the mad scientist part of me would like to see this experiment in action. Hmmm, now I just need a small child, a cell, and 18 years or so to kill.

No, I'm not accepting contributions.

After the past week, which was unbelievably shitty I might add, I was going to write this entry about the untimely death of my brand new surround sound receiver, and accept contributions towards getting the reverend a new one, but thought better of it. The epiphany which caused me to rethink this came over me a couple of nights ago. I was sitting at home watching TV with my antique, non-surround system hooked up, when I took a close look at everything in my living room. Not to sound like I'm bragging, but I have lots of nifty toys in my living room. Being a tech geek I have a lot of the newest and grooviest of the electronics, and that's when I realized I didn't need a new one. The old one seems to work for the time being, so why go out and buy a new one. This is basically where the title for this entry came from. After the new system blew up I went out driving to look for a new one, even though I don't really have the money for one right now, but I thought that I needed one. I ended up wasting about two and a half hours looking for one, which wasn't to be found anyways. That's when the title of this blog popped in my mind (no, it's not my quote, just a little bit of handy plagiarism). If I ended up driving around for two and a half hours, without even having the money to buy a new one, or truly needing another one, who really had the upper hand, me or the companies feeding me the lines about having the newest, bestest and shiniest stuff.

You really have to question our drive for anything we do or possess. There is a point where we have to step back and not accept the programming that we have been fed since the time we can comprehend language. You have to admit, they start really on us really young and don't let up until we either die, or make the conscious effort to reject their marketing efforts. Do we really need all the crap we have, or have the desires we do because we truly want them or because something is whispering into our ears? I'm not saying that we should give up everything we own, don wool robes and go eat grass on the top of a mountain, but maybe we can all trim some of that extra shit out of our life and explore living a little bit.

Well, I was jumping all over the place tonight. Sorry for the schizophrenic entry. I'll lay off the crack next time.

"Its not until you lose everything that you are free to do anything."
Tyler Durden

He is winding the Watch of his Wit; by and by it will Strike.

First off tonight, I'm going to share a tale which didn't even happen to me, but it's such a good story I can't help but share it. I've always wondered about the police force in the town where I live. Almost every time I've had any dealings with the cops I've always been left with a bad taste in my mouth. Not in the way like I didn't deserve that ticket that they gave me and I'm gonna turn into one of the rednecks on cops (I truly deserve the tickets I have received), but in the pure unprofessionalism in the way they acted. Most of the time I've had to deal with the “wet behind the ears” rookies. These guys have a chip on their shoulder the size of a cinderblock, and lucky for everyone in my neighborhood we have one of these guys who have claimed it as his beat. The person who seems to have the least amount of fun with this cop is my father. My dad is one of those guys who looks like they run against the grain. Little bit of an anti-authoritarian streak in him, but at least I know where I get it from. Anyways, he's coming home from work or something and has to make a left hand turn at a light, so he waits for his shot, and takes it. As he's turning he realizes he can't turn into the proper lane because of a car sitting there so he goes into the outside lane instead of the inside. Yes, this is illegal, and yes everyone does it, but it's neither here nor there. As he pulls around the corner he notices the blue and white car in his rearview. I can only imagine what was running through his head. I know what I’d be thinking. It's a four letter word that rhymes with grit, but this is where the story becomes unique. The cop doesn't pull him over or start up the horns; instead the cop throws on the cherries, flies up beside my dad, grimaces at him, and throws him the finger. Yup, here it is again. The cop gave my dad the finger. I think this offended my dad more than getting a ticket. The worst part was as he was sharing the story with me on Father's day, I could see he was getting just as pissed off as when it happened, and all I could do was laugh. Not at my father, but at the audacity of a cop flipping someone the bird. I had a great conclusion to this paragraph, but I lost it somewhere along the way, so we'll pull out a staple way to end. Titties.

I'm watching TV tonight and a commercial comes on which again proved to me how close we are to turning into Gerbils. This commercial in particular is for pre-cooked breakfast sausages. The whole premise is you can just nuke these precooked suckers and have your sausage in seconds. That in itself I don't have much of an issue with, I'm all about convenience, but the part that I was debating the logic of was when they tried the sales pitch on me. To paraphrase, "you should be these pre-cooked sausages because of the inconvenience and the trying times of cooking breakfast sausages". Huh? Last I checked it was open package, through them in a hot pan or skillet, cook the little bastards for about 5 minutes, and eat. Wow, that was inconvenient. Damn, I can't go to work today Boss, because I used all my energy cooking these little breakfast sausages. I should be in tomorrow, unless I cook eggs. Those bastards exhaust me for a week. Come on people. There is a line where convenience crosses over to laziness. When we need something cooked for us that only requires five minutes to cook in the first place, maybe you should reconsider what you are buying.

And now, here's a running list of things that have happened over the past two weeks since I updated last. Ready? Steady? GO.

Never blame technology for screwing up if you are too dense to know how to use it. Chances are if you can break the same thing six times in two months, when no one else can, it's probably your fault. A poor man blames his tools.

If you have never replaced a shower/tub valve before, don't. If you have (like myself), and sign up to do it again, you're an idiot, or she's really pretty and you're still an idiot, unless you're a plumber. No wonder you get seventy five bucks an hour.

I celebrated the first year since I escaped from my marriage. Yay for me. Pass the fucking whiskey.

After twelve years since dating, I actually have less of a clue when someone is hitting on me then I did back then, if that's possible. But, luckily for me, it kicks in about half an hour later when it is too late to do anything about it. Yay for me again.


If you can get to expert in Guitar Hero (Myself included) you should probably get out more often. The sad part is I have about $10,000.00 worth of Guitars in my basement, but yet I play my twenty dollar plastic one instead...I am an idiot.

If it can be hacked, hack it. If it can't, hack it.

That's it. I'm done. I'll try to update more often. Really, I will, but to make up for the lack of entries, everyone gets two quotes today. One is from the most quotable man of all time, Voltaire. The other one is not.

"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly."
Voltaire

"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none."
Thomas Carlyle

>>>>>>>

And just to add insult to injury, guess who got popped doing 89 in a 60 today...

>>>>>>>

You know what I love? Puppies. And Pr0n, but not together.


I'm sitting around on Monday night after working out, which beat the shit out of me I might add, when everything starts going off at once. My BlackBerry is buzzing away, I got messenger dinging away patiently like some polite little alarm clock, my phone is ringing, and all I wanted to do is sit down, chill and play video games this Monday. Since I'm back in frugal mode, video games seem to lend themselves to something to do to kill time and not cost me a mucho dinero, but I'm leading the cart before the horse. As some of you may have noticed, I'm kind of prone to jumping around a bit. Enough. Back on track.

So all my electronic goodies are going off around me when an epiphany strikes me. Ok, not so much an epiphany as a realization, as I'm sure I'm not the first person to realize this. Through progress, technology, and all that happy horseshit, we decided to create devices so it is more convenient for us as a society. We have computers to do all our math for us, cell phones and pagers so we can communicate with our friends and learn what they are having for dinner tonight, because that is so important that we have to know, and a host of other stuff including a synthetic love doll that is anatomically correct and will only cost you $13000 dollars. Maybe the doll doesn't quite fall into the category, but anyways, we must have thought, this will be cool. I can get a hold of my buddies even if they are out hooking up, or whatever. I just find it insanely amusing that we created all this stuff for convenience, and now they have all become shackles. Quick raise of hands, out of everyone out there, how many of you carry a cell, pager, or BlackBerry? Now, how many of you carry it for work purposes? I'm guessing lots of you. Isn't it amusing that what we made to give us more time is actually sucking it away? Maybe it's just me, but I don't think so. When is it exactly when we reach critical mass and we realize it's time to unplug? There was a scare a few months back where a bunch of the core routers of the internet were vulnerable to a hack that could potentially cripple the internet and take it down, and as much as I love techy stuff and the internet, I was actually looking forward to it. I am also painfully aware of the oxymoronic statement of me writing this on a computer for publishing on the internet thanks.


It may have sounded like Bitterman took over there for a while, but wasn't the case. I wanted to make a point with all that rambling that was inspired by Sarah Silverman's Dvd (pick it up by the way. Very funny shit. Go here). There was a line she said about pessimistic people that really caught my attention. To paraphrase, it went something like this. "It [what I said] goes through this Rube Goldberg crazy straw before it hits your ear, so how can I determine what you hear...pessimistic people always hear what they want to hear." I've always questioned how when you say something and it becomes completely misconstrued once it goes in and hits the grey matter, but I think this line explains it. I can't count the amount of times in relationships/marriage/etc. where I've said something that I thought was just conversation, or even a compliment, and I get the look from the other person like I'm Cerberus breathing fire and spitting at them. Instantly I've gone into defensive mode and am trying desperately to back peddle and figure out what the hell I've said, when the truth of the matter (and all false modesty aside), I haven't said a damn thing. The other party has misconstrued and is about to bitchslap me. Smartest thing here is to back away with your hands in the air and run for the border. Now, we all do this occasionally, and once in a while it's acceptable, but when it's a daily occurrence it's time to get out the walking shoes and book it like your heels are on fire. Just some more friendly advice from your friendly neighborhood Moloquin. I may not be right on many things, but I think I'm on with this one.

Oh yeah, the cart before the horse.

The car is dead, long live the car.

I have retired my very nice, but incredibly expensive to maintain sports car and went and bought a semi-affordable, cheap to maintain, slightly used sports car. I don't think it's a good thing that I've driven five different cars in a week and half, but means to an end I suppose. The newish car has a problem with something in the fuel system (don't worry, I'm not going to go into car geek mode here), so it's back at the dealership getting fixed. The reaction from people has been strange, and I think it lends itself to the point I was trying to make above. As I describe that my car is having issues, people are saying sorry to me. Huh? Does this strike anyone else as odd? I mean, I understand what people are saying, and I'm not spurning the gesture, but it's just a car. It can and will be fixed so I'm not going to get my panties in a bunch over it. I think it's because we are all afraid that we are going to find one of those demon spawned people hiding when bad shit happens. Having a car needing repairs sucks, but in the grand scheme of things it's not a horrible thing. Falling onto a piece of bamboo and getting that lodged in your urethra, now that is horrible, but a broken car?

I think I need to get myself in a relationship...or maybe just a big bag of crack.

>>>>>>>

Oh, and it's really late on a work night, so if this entry doesn't make any sense (or less sense than normal), now you know why. G'night peeps.

>>>>>>>

I'd Buy That for a Dollar.

What has happened to pride? Now, I know that I may be a little more ego-centric than others, but much of that comes from pride. To steal a line from Al Pacino, "Vanity is my favorite sin", but I digress, almost. What I do, I do well. If I can not do it well, I spend the time necessary to learn what I have to in order to do/perform whatever it is I'm trying to do, and I feel good after I accomplish whatever I set out to do. What I don't get is why people don't care , or don't want to do something (or anything for that matter). The feeling of doing something right is a great reward in itself, so why wouldn't someone want that feeling?

I wish I could say what caused this latest rant, but I can't really put my finger on what the catalyst was. I think lately I've just noticed how half-assed many people are in regards to work and life. It doesn't matter if you don't like your job. Shit, some days I hate my job, but I still do what I have to do and feel good about it, even on days where I am in a complete and utter miserable and/or bitchy mood. I may not be the friendliest person in the world on days like that, but after I've put my head down and got done whatever it is that is pissing me off, the mood usually changes and I'm back to the usual weird and fun Moloquin.

This applies to life as well as work folks. Does anybody enjoy food shopping, or paying the huge fricken bill to get your piece of shit car out of the shop? No. Nobody enjoys that shit, but you still have to do it. I have been known to procrastinate occasionally, but when push comes to shove, I still get it done. Nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) pisses me off more than when somebody pushes something off repetitively, or get's somebody else to do their shit just because they don't want to. I've been guilty of doing things for people because they didn't want to do something, so I guess I am partially to blame, but the way I look at it, I'm just doing some one a favour. The whole formula changes when you are expected to do things. Getting taken advantage of always sucks, doubly so when the other party isn't even aware that they are doing it. Take note people. Don't abuse any friendship/relationship this way. It always comes back to bite you in the ass when you aren't expecting it, and it can come from either side.

On a completely different note, hear are a couple of things I've learnt this week. Think of it as friendly advice, or maybe as some more things that you didn't learn in kindergarten.

Getting a fresh start at life is a very cool feeling. Kinda scary, but cool none the less. What they don't tell you is how expensive it is. If you are planning a new start, the piece of advice I'd give you is save up first. I know it goes against my sporadic nature, but damn, we all have to eat (and be able to afford our vices, whatever they may be).

Don't ever buy a newer Mercedes Benz. Yes, they drive nice, and yes you do get respect at some places for driving one, but you have to question the quality of the car when you bring it in for an average service (and it is under three years old with only 60K on it), and the service receipt is four pages long with a list of stuff that is longer and more complicated than an Isaac Asimov novel. From the bill I got you'd think I was driving a 1986 Tempo, but, if it was a Tempo, it probably wouldn't have cost me over $500.00 for a fluid change. I didn't even get a kiss before I got screwed. Here’s one last thing about driving a Benz. If you have piercing and/or tattoo's and you drive one, don't be surprised if people think you are either a rock star, or a drug dealer, but if you play it right you can scare the shit out of your neighbors.

So, anyone want to be a slightly used Mercedes? It’s affordable. Trust me.

"Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd."
Edith Sitwell