This is the First Day of the Rest of your Life.

I have decided I should write a entry today. Normally I just write them up as I feel, but there is a purpose behind this one. I'm going in for surgery tomorrow to get my eyes fixed. I never thought that I would voluntarily pay someone to cut me open and zap me with lasers, but looks like I am. If you want to see what is going to happen follow "this" link. Big Warning here people. It's pretty graphic. Normally I wouldn't advocate the use of Internet Explorer, but the link doesn't like firefox (damn non geek world). I tried to get permission to bring someone in with me with a video camera to capture the whole thing, so I could post the best bits, but that was shut down pretty quick by the place where I'm getting it done. Seems non-sterile people and camera's are a bad thing when someone has your eyes cut open. Funny how that works.

There are a whole bunch of things that I am not going to miss about having glasses, so as an excuse to throw together yet another list, here we go...

1) Waking up late for work, throwing something on that I hope is relatively clean, sprinting down the stairs to my garage, back out of said garage, get to the end of the driveway before I realize that something isn't right and I can't see my speedometer. Back to the house to get the glasses.

2) Running around the house frantically looking for the glasses after a good bender the night before. Usually accompanied by the "where are my keys" argument.

3) Running around the house frantically looking for the glasses after a good bender the night before, not realizing I'm wearing them.

4) Complaining for the 465,897th time about not being able to wear sunglasses. I'm sure people are getting sick of it by now.

5) Laying down and watching TV at the same time is an interesting experiment for people who wear glasses. There is always a balancing act going on so you can see the TV through your glasses and not around them.

6) I used to enjoy playing snooker. Any kind of billiards is damn near impossible with glasses.

The list could go on and on, so I'm going to stop know. Let's see if there anything I am going to miss?

1)

Nope. Guess not.

Here's to hoping I'll be able to see well enough next week to do an update on the outcome.

It's Very Difficult to Think with a Head Full of Mucus.

Last night I was sitting around home watching all the pointless Sunday TV when it started to creep over me. I just wasn't feeling spot on. Started feeling rather warm even though I shouldn't have been, my stomach started having conversations with itself, and anything I tried drinking or eating had a taste not entirely unlike the bottom of a five year old, unwashed ashtray. The thing that I love about being a stubborn person is no matter how sick I get, I won't fall over, even when I know I should. I sat on my couch convincing myself it was just a little bit of food poisoning, or it was just sleep deprivation catching up to me, or a million other just as silly ideas.

As the night wore on, I realized this wasn't going to end anywhere good. I had been busy trying to eat, and as any stubborn person will attest to, it is a sight to behold. The steps basically go something like this:

10 If thought begins then print "I think I'm Hungry. Hard to say since I feel like shit, but I think so. I need to eat."
20 If 10=true then Move from chair/couch/bed toward the kitchen. This can either end as a full fledged meal or a glass of water depending on how sick or how stubborn.
30 If 20=true then prepare whatever it is you've decided is the best course of action, take 2 bites, or two sips, then promptly print "This tastes like shit. Must be something wrong with it", pour it down the drain/throw it out.
40 GOTO 20

We can all see the cycle here folks. After trying damn near everything in my house I was at the point of thinking "What can I make out of Parsley, Oregano and Sambuca?", when I just gave up. I had taken 2 bites out of everything in my fridge and cupboards (albeit, not a great supply of stuff in either), and decided to quit while I was ahead. I don't know what you can make out of Oregano, Parsley, and Sambuca, but I think I'm happier not knowing.

After dragging my "not sick" ass back to the couch is when I decided that it might be sleep deprivation. I hadn't got a whole bunch of sleep over the weekend, so that could be it. I pretty much convinced myself of this one for a few hours, to the point of believing that I was tired, until I threw on The Matrix at 12:30am, and on a completely different topic, had a five minute sneezing fit. Nah, I'm not sick. So, I watch The Matrix until 2:30am and decide, "Maybe it's not sleep deprivation, I'd be asleep by now if it was...Food poisoning, yeah, that's the ticket."

I wander upstairs and decide that food poisoning is the answer. Sure, it could be. I've had food poisoning before, and I went out to dinner with CG on Saturday, so it was something from that place. Of course, I'm completely overlooking the fact that dinner was at one of the only five star restaurants in town. That doesn't matter. Lots of five star restaurants give the patrons food poisoning??? Ok, now I'm stretching even farther than I should be allowed, but there's still a chance it's true.

I fall into bed, grab the book I'm currently reading when the second wave starts coming in, and this is when reality splintered my little fantasy land apart. "I'm sick. Damn...I really feel like shit. I don't even know if I'm going to make it into work tomorrow.", and as I start to get up to grab my blackberry to let the world know that I'm just going to sleep it off and take a day to get better the thing starts going off. Hmmm. I wish I could blame that on Spam, but we took care of that problem (who'd of thunk I'd be hoping for spam). I open it up and take a look at who it's from, and it's from my cellmate. The other guy on the IT team where I work, and of course, in true Murphy's fashion, has just wrote me a note saying he feels like shit and won't be in tomorrow. Damn. In the 5+ years we have been working together, there has never been the occasion when both of us have been sick at the same time. Guess there had to be a first.

Anyone in a support role understands what happens when everyone on a support team is sick. There ends up being someone at home being sick, and someone at the office, leaning against their monitor being sick. It sucks pretty much the same no matter where you are.

We might see a day with no support in the office...that could be challenging and exciting, in a Jack the Ripper kind of way.

"I am not sick. I am broken."
Frida Kahlo

Dilemmas, Dilemmas, Dilemmas.

Sorry about the lack of updates folks. Most of my creative efforts have gone into designing my new web page. It's mostly all online now. For a quick update and to see what I've been up to you can go check it out. Feel free to drop into the forums and request a user if you want to post.

I know I should be writing an entry now, but I just don't have the inspiration to write one. Don't worry, one will be coming soon. I just have to recover from getting the other site done and this week at work.

Here's a link instead of an entry. You Must Choose. It could be construed as offensive, so if you don't want to read vulgarities you may want to stay away.

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
Groucho Marx

Don't Forget the Taint...

I'm sitting here waiting for my laundry to finish up as the Coup de Gras of the weekend, so I figure I might as well write an entry. Sunday nights are the best catalyst for writing anyways. As is with most Sundays, sitting on the couch, doing nothing all day and recovering from the week previous is usually good for causing something to bubble up from the subconscious. The one thing that is complicating the process is the migraine that I've been keeping at bay for the day, but has since attacked my head at full force. Rather than fight the migraine and and try to come up with something original, I think I'm going to borrow an idea from K. He recently did entry about five things that have been bugging him, so I'm going to do the same. This isn't going to include stuff like world hunger, or any other global scale problem. Not that they don't bug me, but I don't want this one to turn into a social-political rant. I've done enough of that in the past. Here goes nuthin.

1) This is one that CG recently talked about on her blog (I know, I can't come up with anything original tonight) and never really thought about it until she brought it up. Thanks CG. It made it to the "things that bug me" list because I've been noticing it more and more. Why do people assume that because I am a single, early thirties male that I have no life and would gladly be available to work extra hours and do all other sorts of shit that married people with kids can't do. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem helping out my friends etc., but don't assume that I just sit at home during non-work hours patiently counting the minutes until I can go back to work, or I'm sitting there anxiously waiting for my phone to ring with someone on the other end asking me to do some completely unenjoyable thing, which leads me to my second point.

2) Getting phone calls from friends is cool. Getting phone calls from friends you haven't heard from in a long time is also cool. Getting a phone call from someone you haven't seen in almost a year under the cloak of calling you to see what's up but really calling you because they need a favor is not cool. If I haven't talked to someone in months, don't call me to ask me for something. Feel free to call me up and see if I want to go out a beer and catch up, but after that long, don't expect me to bend over backwards. As a matter of fact, most of the time, if I haven't talked to someone in a very long time, chances are I probably don't want to. I do have some friends that I don't talk to that often, but in turn, they don't call me needing a favor out of the blue either.

3) Ex wives. That's it.

4) People who assume that because I drive an expensive sports car I have vast amounts of disposable income. True, I have more than a married couple with kids, but when you think about it, if I'm driving a Mercedes, where do you think my money is going? Don't make an assumption about me because of what you see. Assumptions are usually very wrong. I'm not even going to go into the details of what kind of financial burden occurs when you are getting divorced. Ask any divorced person. They'll tell you. By the way, I got the car before divorce was even on the horizon. I can tell you if I even seen that coming, I wouldn't be driving it.

5) Censorship. I think everything should be free and clear. I don't like a lot of the things that would get out there, but who am I to say that you can't watch/listen/read it. It's quite simple. If you find it objectionable, turn it off, leave the room, or put it down. End of problem. That's why I love the Internet. There are some really deplorable things out there, but generally, if you don't go out looking for it, you won't find it. Occasionally something will pop up, but just close the page and go somewhere else. And to pre-empt the inevitable "what about the children", that is your responsibility as a parent. If I had any kids, I'd educate them so they had enough brains to know what's right and what's wrong. I got into stuff I shouldn't have when I was a kid, but I was raised well enough to know what I was seeing/hearing/reading and not be damaged by it. Shit, piss, tits.

Time for bed. Work tomorrow and all that happy horseshit. No quote tonight. G'night all.

The Past Will Come Back to Haunt You.

Every once in a while you hear about something you have to write about because it hits home, so I did.

Now sit right back and you'll hear a tale. This is a tale of bitterness, anger, and general malevolence. Once upon a time there was this fellow who decided to do something to better himself. He'd been through a lot over the past year and decided it was time for a change. Like all good things that are used to better yourself, this one cost an extensive amount of cash, so he was planning on financing it away over a few years. Normally it's not a problem for this guy to get financing. Always pays his bills, has a good credit rating, etc, etc, etc. As he is getting more and more excited about this life altering change he fills out all the appropriate paperwork to get the financing straightened away.

I'd be lying to you if I said there were no worries about it, but deep down he really wasn't overly concerned. Everyone, I don't care who you are, gets antsy when borrowing money. It's the nature of the beast.

He's waiting in anticipation when the word comes back, and is thrown into complete shock and awe. He was turned down for the financing. What the Hell? How is this possible? We aren't talking about a hundred thousand dollars here, just a few grand. He maintains composure somehow, chat's his way out of a very uncomfortable situation, gets the phone number of the financial institution that denied him, and walks away. There is an inkling of what the roadblock could be, but he doesn't want to jump to conclusions without the facts. That never amounts to anything worthwhile.

After driving around awhile to cool down, he calls said financial institution to find out why he was denied. As it turns out, the previous inkling that he had was accurate. Just for the background information, this fellow used to be married, but is now going through a separation/divorce. While he and his wife were still together, he got her a credit card under his name. I mean, if you can't trust your significant other, who can you trust right? Well, after the split, she had maxxed out the card and left it unpaid for a few months. After many, many, many phone calls and emails, it got straightened up, but the damage was already done. You can't leave thousands of dollars owing without some form of repercussion. And thus, there is now a huge red streak across this fellow's credit report. Now before any nay-saying begins, he did trust that his (ex) wife would be responsible enough to take care of things. He is just that trusting kind of a guy. I can’t fault him for that. Generally, that is a quality that most people consider a blessing rather than a curse.

Nice huh? Make you feel all warm and squishy?

So now I have a buddy who is fucked for no reason of his own (besides trusting someone he shouldn't have). Not a pleasant situation for anyone to be in. Since I've known this guy a long time I happen to know he is bordering on the edge right now. He is a really relaxed and happy guy most of the time, but this may be the straw that breaks him. Everyone has their breaking point. Turns out, he's still going to go ahead with what he had planned, but it's going to be unbelievably tight for a few months. As hard as it's going to be to pay for it all, he still feels that he needs to get this done in order to move on and get his life back together. I'd try to talk him out of it, but I think he's right. We all have to do things to keep our life together and moving forward. Let's hope that it doesn't make him any more resentful than he already is. I don't think it will, but who knows?

There's my pleasant tale for the day. Next time I'll try to include some humor...

"We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it."
Lyndon B. Johnson

Remember "Fist" can be a Verb.

I know I've been pretty lax in my updates lately. I haven't been in the best frame of mind of late and I know it would reflect in my entries so I've held off. Even so, inspiration hasn't been strong in bubbling up to the surface. When you are in a pissy mood, it doesn't make for entertaining writing unless it can be twisted into something funny. Unfortunately, most of it can't be turned into humorous anecdotes yet. Maybe down the road, but not yet. As Newtie loves to say, "It's not your turn in the barrel, but what barrel are you in today?" If I believed in it, I'm pretty sure I would say, if it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all, but I am pretty good at cards, so it all balances out...kinda.

I've always found it neat that certain career's congregate at certain places. More specifically, certain bars cater to certain career path's. There are bars where lawyers hang out, as well as for cops and doctors. I'm kind of curious as to where the bar is that IT people hang out in, and strip joints don't count. I know lots of fellow IT people who hang out there, but that's not really my scene anymore. I don't think I've been into a peeler's since I was 20 or so. I've always likened it to an expensive restaurant. Why would I go somewhere where I can't afford to sample (or want to for that matter) the wares? To me, it's just an exercise of frustration, and in my later visits to the rippers, I was just going to drink and hang out rather than ogle the sleazy women. I was pretty sure I could find bars where the company was better and the drinks weren't seven dollars a piece. Have you ever noticed the commonality between strip joints and movie theater's? They both have sticky floors, and I'm pretty sure it's not pop that's making the floors sticky in the strip joint. How's that for a disgusting thought. Anyhow, back to the point at hand. You'd think after doing this job for ten or fifteen years, I would have found this bar by now. The more I think about it, it would be a pretty silly place to even exist. The entire host of patrons would constantly be leaving because of "emergencies" that would come into their blackberries, and be sitting on their cell phones assisting users with pebcak error's all night. Oh, and that would also mean that us IT folks would have the time and the money to hang out somewhere...Back in the attic BitterMan.

Speaking of bars, where do all the single people in my age bracket with half a brain hang out? Before I delve into this one I should point out that it was not my goal to go out scoping this weekend. It's more of an observation than anything. I went out to meet K and company for a few drinks this weekend at a bar in Waterloo. The place I was meeting them has a casual bar as well as a dance club inside of it. I was meeting them in the casual area of the bar, but for some reason they were herding us through the dance club in order to get into the other area. There was a waiting list to get in, so I ended up wandering around the dance club for 45 minutes or so. Normally I wouldn't wait to drink, but because I was meeting people I decided to take a look around. To say I'm into dance clubs would be like saying the pope is a good lay. Firstly, I cannot stand most dance music. It's very disposable and has no passion behind it. Secondly, drunk 20 year olds haven't found where their level of acceptable intoxication is. They are either sober and annoying, or drunk and extremely annoying. Thirdly, it was like walking through the perfume section in walmart. Every other step I was walking through the stink from somebody who bathed in there perfume or cologne. And last, but not least, all the bouncers in dance clubs are dicks. They probably wanted to be cops, but couldn't pass the police exams, so they're pissed at the world and take it out on everyone. Admittedly the scenery in dance clubs is nice, but my god, it's like watching the Upper class Twit of the Year award. This is another one of those paragraphs that had a point at the beginning, but I lost it as I was writing it. Once again, all the abuse I did to my brain in my teen years appears to have claimed another victim.

That's about all I have in me tonight. I'll try to update more often rolling forward. Maybe next week's barrel will have a bit more of a view and give me some more inspiration. Today's quote has a great Double entendre and has nothing to do with this entry whatsoever.

I wish Blackstar was still on. And G-force.

"Never eat more than you can lift."
Miss Piggy

If Music be the Spice of Life, Play On.

I was going to write a new entry tonight, but looking back on my last few entries I've seen a disturbing trend of bitterness coming out of me. I'm going to blame it on the February blah's (I know, it's not February any more, but it's close enough). Rather than write something bitter and depressing I've decided to give everyone a preview of my upcoming album. I've recently started writing music again and figured it's time to let everyone hear what I've been up to. I'm testing a new hosting service, so don't blame me if it doesn't work properly, but let me know if it isn't working and I'll see what I can do. These tunes aren't completely mastered yet, but they are close enough for a rough mix.

Here's the first tune. It's called Creator. I feel like I have to write something about where the inspiration came from or some bullshit here, but I don't think it's going to happen. Here's a very brief synopsis instead. It's techno/electronica and it's around 5 minutes long. That's it.



If you don't want to wait for the music to queue up, you can download it from here.

And now the second tune. It's called Ethereal. It's definitely darker than Creator, but still in the techno/electronica theme. And guess what? It's about 5 minutes long as well.



If you don't want to wait for the music to queue up, you can download it from here.

Enjoy.

>>>>>>>

Looks like this isn't the fastest host in the world. If you press play and then pause it will queue up. I'll try to find somewhere else for them to live.

Life, or Something Like It.

I remember back in my teenage/early twenty years being rebellious. Not rebelling as a social statement, or rebelling because everyone else was in my generation, but actually feeling a righteous outrage towards many of societies downfalls. I remember getting into many a debate (or argument depending on how much alcohol was involved) about politics, religion, and all the other stuff that is guaranteed to start a very uncomfortable feeling around any apartment. One of the worst things that anyone could bring was the topic of nuclear power. I would go on and on forever about the detriments of that topic. These days I keep a lot of my opinions to myself, namely to keep my own sanity, and to keep my friends, but those same thoughts still linger in the back of my head. I realized that tonight as I was watching TV. There was this smiley happy commercial about how good nuclear power is. I now realize all the positive aspects of nuclear power, as well as the detriments that I knew about when I was a teenager, but even so the hairs stood up on the back of my neck and I had twinges of the rebellious anger I had once embraced. It's still not the perfect solution, or even a good solution for that matter, but I'm not going to stray into bitching about how we are killing the planet. That was not the topic of this entry. Maybe later Virginia. The topic of tonights show was rebellion...

I always thought that the rebellious streak in me would have ended once I became an "Adult". Well, let me let you in on a little secret friends. I'm still waiting to become said "Adult". In all honesty, the rebellious part of me had receded into the deeper, darker sections of the cerebellum over the past bunch of years, but it's just been snoozing. Every once in a while something pokes the sleeping bear and it wakes up. It often shocks me when it comes out. One recent occasion occurred while I was out for dinner with a bunch of people. We were just sitting down for a nice meal when the topic of health care came up. Without getting into the details of my view of the subject, which are definitely what you would call strong, I started going off. I pulled the soapbox out and started sermonizing on the subject. Ten minutes later I stepped down (figuratively), took a deep breath to make up for the fact that I had basically stopped breathing while I was preaching, and looked around the table. Everyone was staring and not saying a word, then something interesting happened. The table next to us started applauding. Someone over at the applauding table said "I'd vote for you". How fucked up is that? It was one of the rare situations where I was left speechless. I think I muttered something not entirely like thank you, which probably came out sounding like thrmmm ummm and just started eating again. I had no idea what the proper course of action was after something like that. Eventually we all started talking about the usual stupid shit and the whole thing was forgotten. For a moment I felt like I was the same teenager who thought he could change the world for the better by saying the right words. Luckily that delusion is mostly curbed now.

I still embrace a lot of the rebellious nature of my youth, but keep the lid on it more often then not. Unfortunately we live in a society where open rebellion is not often appreciated, doubly so if you are passionate about it. Once upon a time I did think that I was going to change the world, and I still feel that way occasionally, but I've learned not to use that as my guiding force anymore. I think that it sucks that we can't live that way, and do what we are truly meant to do, but that doesn't put the biscuits on the table so to speak.

Well, I ended that on a depressing note didn't I? I think the important bit is to hold onto all the values that made us become who we are. I'm not the same person that I was at twenty, but all those ideals still make up a part of me. I don't think I'd want to be the same angst ridden, self destructive person that I was then. It would be too hard to hold down a job while getting pissed off on a daily basis. It does come out occasionally, but that personality usually stays in the attic along with bitter man. It's better for those to party animals to hang out together anyways. No one else would want to party with them anyways.

Here, have a quote.

"When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion."
C. P. Snow

A Sphincter Says What?

Time for another request entry. Good thing since my life is pretty uneventful right now. Here you go CG. You wanted it, you got it.

Conversation is a lost art. This has been said many times, but I think it needs to be expanded on a little bit. Just one word needs to be added. Enjoyable conversation is a lost art. Anyone can have a conversation. It's not particularly difficult. Shit, you can talk about the weather if you're really stuck, but is this a) enjoyable, or b) adding anything interesting to your life? Not likely, but yet some people will just continue to blather on forever with no point. Most of the time, the topic just isn't interesting. A conversationalist can tell you a very dry and boring tale, but still keep you interested in how they tell it. The worst crime against nature is the person who insists on telling you something and just won't stop telling it. Here's an example. For a living I repair and build computer networks. The only people who find this interesting are other networking people. I could go on about the merits of 3DES encryption across VPN meshes, or how important matching Diffie-Hellman groups is when building said VPN mesh, but it's not interesting to 99.9% of the public.

There is a look that people get when you've gone to far. Usually a glazed over look interjected with many "yeah" and "really's?" while they are staring into the space right above your left shoulder. The other look you will see is the deer in the headlights with eyes darting around looking for any sort of out that they can find. For the love of God, when you see this look, just shut up and move on. Most people are too polite to tell you that they aren't interested, but trust me, you're just boring us. I'm not perfect. Admittedly I have been known to just keep talking, but I usually pull out before it gets too painful. If you golfed an 87, good for you, but I really don't care. Golf is only fun when you hit something with the ball that isn't green, at least in my opinion.

And if I look busy, it's probably because I am. I really don't feel like shooting the shit while I'm stomping out fires. Just walk away...

The root cause of this is the dreaded "uncomfortable silence". The problem is people are so afraid of this that they won't shut up. Sitting quietly with someone can be a rewarding experience. There is such a thing as comfortable silence. The worst for this are the idiots in the movie theater. If I'm shelling out a small fortune to see a movie with someone, shut the hell up and let me feel like it was worth the money, even if it is a horrible film. I don't care if you can't follow the movie, wait until after the film to sound stupid and be annoying. I think Douglas Adams (I know, I quote him way too much, but he's just so quotable) said it best. He was describing how an alien on earth viewed human conversation. "If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, their brains start working." It's a bitter way of looking at things, but holds some water.

While we're on the topic of things that are as annoying as shit, lets bring up the cataclysmic, eye gouging, bowel loosening, king of the mountain of boring ass shit. I don't want to see pictures, films, or slides of what little Jimmy did when he was 4. I don't want to see the blurry photo's of your vacation in Cuba, and I especially don't want to see photos of your tour of the concrete plant that you and your family went to see on your day trip to Delaware. Being an amateur photographer, I can appreciated artistic photos, but one of little Sally playing on her slip and slide is not art. If she slides off the end, does a face plant into the garden bed and hurts herself, I'll look at that because it's funny, but it still isn't art. The way to handle this one is leave the photo's out somewhere where they can be viewed, but only fill in the details of whatever the picture is about if they ask. If they aren't asking, they aren't interested.

I could go on all day about annoying stuff, but I better stop while I'm ahead. That came out a little more cynical than was originally intended, but if people don't learn we going to be stuck listening to boring shit and looking at blurry photos of Aunt Millie.

Here's a word rather than a quote. I already used one quote in this entry, so I'll meet you halfway with a word.

Defenestration - (noun) a throwing of a person or thing out of a window. The Verb form is defenestrate. Try using it in a sentence at some point this week. People will have no idea what you are talking about, but no one will ask what it means. It'll be fun.