Stop That Infernal Tootling!

I'm laying in bed on Saturday morning, and I'm sure I was smiling because it was actually sleeping time instead of waking up for working time when I discovered, much to my dismay, one of the worst ways to wake up. At least in my experience....and I've been woken up in some pretty rude ways, let me tell you....there was this one time in, no, wait. I'm not telling that story. I'm telling this one. Ok, back on track.

I'm laying there, with this beatific smile on my face, with Loki the cat curled up on the pillow next to me, and we are both sleeping quite soundly when this horrible cacophony comes drifting in through the window. Now, I had been drinking a few pints the night before, so I checked inventory to make sure everything was still working properly and I wasn't hallucinating said noise, but nope, there it was again...I could almost identify it now...almost, the beer brain was starting to release the idiocy hold over me. I crack open one eye to see Loki looking directly back at me. It's not often you get to see a look of disgust on a cat's face, but I got to see it that morning....very odd thing to see, I can tell you that. Apparently I had the same look on my face though...you know the look I'm talking about. The "I've just walked into a public washroom, and my god, what is that stench...is it used motor oil mixed with fetid strawberries? or is someone brewing beer and cooking Indian food at the same time?" look. Yeah, that one.

The noise coming through the window is vaguely recognizable now...Almost like something I've heard before, because I have, and may have even been responsible for it. You see, at ten o'clock on a Saturday morning, the last thing you want to hear besides the obvious "the house is on fire" or "getting married last night was an awesome idea", is someone strangling an alto saxophone for all they are worth. And the recognizable sound? Why that would be "Hot Cross Buns" by some incredulous fucker who is insistent on not letting me sleep. Not know "Hot Cross Buns"? Why just take mary had a little lamb, and take out the one high note in the verse to make it easier to play. There ya go, and entire song made up of only three notes, and super easy to repeat over and over and over and over and over again. What a perfect way to upset, intimidate and enrage a musician. Go ahead and poke the sleeping bear sweetie, feel it's fur, I'm sure it won't bite....Natural selection at it's finest.

You can bet during this, there was some parent sitting in their lazyboy smiling away because they finally got there kid out of the house and they don't have to listen to the same song again and again and again. I'm going to find that mutha and pull a Vincent Vega on them and shoot Marvin in the face. Don't let the community parent your kid. You'll read why in the next paragraph.

So after the 13th encore of hot cross buns, I decide it's time to get my ass out of bed and wander into the washroom to try and distract me from Satan's saxophone player. I'm sitting there, trying to decide which of the four paths of resolutions to take. Which paths you ask? Thanks for asking. First up...Pull the typical 1950's cartoon solution and start chucking stuff out of the window. Alarm clocks, cats, dynamite sticks with TNT written down them, flower pots, and all the other standard accoutrement's you can picture from the old tyme tv shows. Secondly, go grab my pellet gun and start shooting. Not the kid playing Satan's saxophone, but the the sax itself. That should cause the kid to run away in fear and leave it sitting in the community condo courtyard where I can pot shot it until it returns to it's constituent elements. Thirdly, go grab one of my guitars, turn my PA speakers out to the world, and play along making it the worlds worst concerto, or fourthly, close the window and try and go back to sleep, but that would be chickening out.

None the less, the fourth sorta wins....as I'm crawling back into bed to give it another go, I hear someone else yell out their window to shut the hell up or else, and thus all crisises are diverted and I can go back to sleep and not go to jail. Everyone wins. Amazing how the simplest answer is almost always the correct one.

And with that, I put my head on the pillow, looked over at Loki who winked at me and told me to have a great sleep before passing out herself and I went back to bed.

Wait a sec. Cat's don't talk. I gotta lay off the mushrooms.

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I know I haven't updated in a while...Ok, maybe more than a while. I'm going to try and remedy that. New jobs make for a very busy boy, and not much free time, so unfortunately that means the blog suffers, but don't worry, everything suffers for that. My guitar, my computers, my video gaming (well, maybe not that), my health, you know, all the usual stuff.

But....and this is a big but, I can not lie...I'm going to try and stay on top of things this time and occasionally do an update or two. Now that we have unfrozen ourselves from under the 14 feet of ice and the sled dogs can finally rest for the first time in seven months, I may actually get to go outside and have some adventures that are worth writing about.