The Chase is Always Better than the Catch.

I got to thinking the other day about motivation and goals. I find it very interesting discovering what motivates different kinds of people into doing things. You can usually tell what kind of mindset a person has by getting them to reveal what their life's mission statement is. Most people don't even know they have one until you directly question them. I sure as hell didn't. Don't worry, all will be revealed in time, but not quite yet.

An old trick of mine that I use to determine if a friendship/relationship/new nemesis is worth it, is to ask one simple question...it usually works best after a couple of beers so you can get the truthful answers out of people. Next time you are talking to that new person in your life ask them this, "Without over thinking, If you had 3 wishes that could be granted, but only if you made them in the next 60 seconds, what would they be?". There is a very strong caveat with this little question. It can utterly destroy your mental image of what that person sitting across from you is like. I remember asking this question to someone I was romantically involved with in the past and the effect was much like being slapped in the side of the head with a two hundred pound tuna. In laymen, I was knocked on my ass, and not in a good way. Turned out that she had a very, very dark and cynical view of the world, and myself being the complete opposite, I managed to kill and otherwise fun relationship in about 30 seconds...There you go people, an actual warning with the repercussions included, unlike the "Do Not Drink" label on the side of toilet bowl cleaner. If they had an actual story about the doofus who drank it, maybe less people would? None the less, back on track now...

A good friend of mine came up with the whole life mission statement thing while we were chatting one night. We were talking about what the future holds and which paths to take, etc, etc, when the question came out about what my life mission statement was. Sort of like the pop quiz in grade eleven algebra. You know you have an answer, but trying to come up with it on the spot isn't always the easiest thing to do. I sat there going "Umm, Umm, How many paths must a man...Nope that one’s been used, how about The answers are blowing in the...Nope...Been done too...Gimme a sec". I'm sitting there in my living room trying to come up with some answer that isn't going to sound stupid, cynical, and have some deep meaning behind it, when it literally just pops out in my forebrain like a golden shining chalice (religious allusion...Damn, I actually remember something from high school english). For years I'd been living this statement without realizing it. "Life is nothing more than the collection of knowledge and how you use it to benefit yourself and the people around you". Almost profound for a second there. For that moment I felt like I was onto something, which leads to the chase...

Some people live for the journey and some people live for the goal. I think both are acceptable answers, but I very much live for the journey. It goes hand in hand with the idea that life should be fun. I've known a lot of people who concentrate so strongly on the goal that they forget to have fun getting there. I've also known people who don't live for either, but that's an entry all to itself, bitter man isn't going to step in here. The pitfall with living for the journey is sometimes the goal isn't what you thought it would be, but I still wouldn't have it any other way. I've reached some goals where once I got there I had a "WTF am I doing?" moment, but the beautiful thing about living for the journey is, there is always another adventure on the next page. Sometimes it sucks getting to the next page, but if you look for it, it's right in front of you.

So, what’s the point of this entry? Dunno. I guess I have to come up with some kind of conclusion here, or it will seem utterly pointless. If there is a point I guess it's this. It doesn't really matter what motivates you to do whatever you do, but the important bit is to know why you are doing it. It doesn't matter if it's selfish, or puritanical, as long as you know what motivates your methods you can walk ahead with a clear thought process and know the path should lead to the outcome you want. The really important bit is to know that if the end of the path isn't where you wanted it to be, you can always turn off and take a different road. That's how I found the hamlet of Ratzburg.

Let's State the Rules One Last Time.

I think the time has come to write about the rules. I’m talking about rules between the gender relationships, from the male's point of view. I know this one has been hacked apart multiple times, but it's time for my perspective on the whole thing. Albeit I don't have the best track record for this stuff, but hopefully I can provide some insight with the few things that I've learned and those things that have come back and bit me in the ass. I think I've been bitten more than I've actually learned, but, in turn, it's taught me a couple of things that will probably prevent some of the more common issues that pop up. This is one of those great entries that could actually come back to bite me in the ass down the road. Maybe I haven't learned that much, but none the less, here goes nothing. Please ignore any stereotyping that may occur here. These don't apply to everyone, but I think fits the general male profile.

First off, I'm going to state one of the most important rules. This one has to be followed to a tee. Men, as a whole, don't get it. We don't pick up on subtlety, hints, or gentle nudges. We need to be told exactly what's up. For the most part, if a subtle hint is sent to us, it's promptly lost to the ether, or it's completely misinterpreted and leads down the path of daggers. We need to be told what to do, when to do it, and sometimes why we are doing it. A great learning lesson here is to explain whatever the subtle hint means, then, usually, we can learn what to do, but watch out for the pitfall in this one. If the hint changes whatsoever, we'll be back to not getting it again. Men are usually very habitual about these kinds of things. Once the rules change we're back in Kindergarten wondering why we shouldn't eat the white paste. This leads to another one of the more important ones...

When we ask what's wrong and receive the reply of "NOTHING", we do one of three things. The newbie in this situation usually assumes that "NOTHING" means nothing, and thinks no more of it. It usually comes back to haunt them one way or the other, but they get to quickly graduate to step two. Stages two and three usually apply to males who've already gone through the mystery of the newbie stage. I think both of these responses stem from the days of hunting and gathering. We either want to hunt the dinosaur and tame the beast, or run to the hills in fear (before I burn myself on this one, ladies, I am not referring to you as dinosaurs, just an analogy for what we males do). The "hunting" male will instantly go into "get and fix" mode. By only good intentions we will dig, and dig, and dig some more, to try and find out what's really wrong, and because of the stubborn prehistoric instincts, we won't give up until one of two things happen. Either we end up starting a huge fight because we don't understand (see point one), or we find out what's actually wrong. We aren't a very observant gender, but in this situation we somehow, and I wish I knew how we do this, know when what we are being told is true or not. If it's not true we keep digging, and digging, and digging which inevitably puts us into the huge fight category. Circular Logic anyone? The "run to the hills" group does exactly that. You'll know if you're with one of these if every time conflict is even hinted at, the male is running for coffee/the office/mow the lawn/etc. Don't misunderstand us, we do care, but because we don't understand, and can't get past the digging stage, our linear logic states "if we go away, it will all be good again later". I think there is a really simple solution to this one. If there is something wrong, either say what it is, because we can usually accept that, or tell us that "I'm not in a good mood right now, so leave me alone for a while". There is a trap in this one...If we think that it is something that we did (which we may have done unintentionally), we go back into dig mode. Maybe add "it has nothing to do with you" to the leave me alone statement.

I just went back and re-read the last paragraph, and I want to put on the record that I don't want it to be interpreted as a misogynistic statement. I'm merely trying to calm the waters of gender relationships. Guys, don't think I'm letting you off easy either. We'll get what's coming to us later in this entry.

In an effort to explain the great nothing debate, I'll explain the male side of the coin. If you ask us what we're thinking about, and we say nothing, we are actually thinking about one of two things. Sex, or nothing. If we are thinking about sex, and we say nothing, it's because we are always thinking about sex. We can be at a funeral, in the middle of trying to figure out form 368b schedule F of our taxes, or bleeding in a hospital waiting room, and still be thinking of sex. It's that linear thought thing again. Thinking of nothing is really, really easy for most of us. Imagine the volume knob of stereo set to zero. There might be a great song playing, but we just aren't hearing it.

Ok guys, we are just as guilty of gender whoopses too, so it's our turn to be attacked.

All contact with the fairer gender does not mean sex. We really need to get this into our thought process. Just because the cute woman touches your arm, it does not mean that she wants to end up in a secret rendezvous in the supply closet at the office. Sometimes contact is just that. No deep meaning, no hidden innuendo. Just enjoy the contact and get back to whatever you're doing, and whatever you do, don't obsess about it. Just be thankful for the contact and keep on moving. The trick here guys is to learn when contact could mean more. Don't ask me. I have no idea myself, but it stands to reason that contact could mean something. Anytime contact has meant something more in my situation, the female usually makes it quite obvious. If it's not drawn out in big neon letters guys, keep on truckin.

The female gender is emotional. We think we understand this one, but it's like someone from Sweden explaining the compelling new developments in Volvo engine technology to a Tibetan goat herder. We don't really understand, but we're trying really hard to learn. I think one of the solutions here is to actually experience some of those emotion thingies. Be careful where you choose to go down this path. When you are out with the guys having a beer, we don't want to hear about how nice your scented bubble bath was. It's a learning experience guys, and as much as we all try to get it, we don't want to hear about it. Do whatever you have to do to learn about emotions, but keep it to yourself and learn from it.

This next one is one of my biggest peeves. It’s another one of those “lack of research and learning” things, and one that most males are exceedingly guilty of. I am lucky to have a lot of close female friends, so I have the privilege of hearing some of the secrets, and let me tell you one thing. If you think you're doing it right guys, you probably aren't. If there is any doubt in your head about what you are doing, you're probably screwing it up (no pun intended). You will usually know when you are doing it right. It's just one of those things. Learn the parts before you try to use them. We aren't talking about fitting a chevy carb to a ford engine here. You can't assume that with the right tools you can make it work. Ask questions, do research (and by research I don't mean watch some "adult entertainment"), and spend the time necessary to learn what they like. It's worth it in the long run. Here are a couple of quick points I've learned both through trial and error, and spending the time to ask the questions.

1) Quickest to the finish line does not always mean you’re the winner. Slow and steady wins the race.

2) Just because you're done, doesn't mean she is. It sucks to be left hanging on either side. Finish the job, and do it right. Don't try to rush it.

3) Just because your ex liked it, doesn't mean she will. Ask. It's a lot easier. Never, ever, ever assume.

4) Spontaneity is a good thing. Something you read in Penthouse Letters is probably not.

5) Don't just roll over and go to sleep. This one has been done to death but it's worth bringing up again. It's an important one guys, no matter what you have heard.

5) If you're doing something wrong, and are told so, don't get defensive or let it bruise your ego. Instead ask what you are doing wrong and try to fix it. Everyone is happier that way.

6) No means no. Period.

There is only one point I have for the women out there in this department so here goes.

1) We like it. Anything, everything, whatever, whenever, wherever. We'll try just about anything, and enjoy it. Most of us don't get embarrassed, so go for it. In the very, very rare case that we don't like whatever is happening, we'll tell you.

There are many, many more points to be made, but it's only a blog, not a novel so I think I better stop before it gets to the point of unreadable.

And so, I think I'm done the rant for tonight. Hopefully I've shared some of the limited things that I have learned, and in turn, you can use them. Trust me, I'm not any kind of expert in the male-female gender relationship mystery, but I will leave everyone with one thought that goes both ways. Respect, compassion and communication make all of the difference in the world. Those three things can make any situation better, and can solve almost any problem. Just remember that people. As soon as any of those three things start to fail, you better pedal your ass off to get them working again if you want any kind of future with your S.O.

One last quick thing that has nothing to do with this entry. I just have to mention it. I had the best Friday of my life this week. Sometimes the gods smile on you.

Is Everybody in? The Ceremony is About to Begin.

If everyone is accounted for let's start the night with a little quiz. Who here would say that their life turned out like they thought it would. Show of hands? Not surprising. Very few people pictured their lives being the way they turned out. Now, the bigger question, even though your life isn't what you thought it would be, are you worse off for having lived it? That's what I thought. Not a lot of hands but a few. Ok, here's the biggie. Who regrets decisions that they have made? Look at all of the hands. What I'm here to tell you is, no one should have their hands raised for having regrets. If you notice, I didn't put my hand up. I'm going to let everyone in on a secret. We have all done things that are questionable, but no one should regret anything that has occurred. All of the things that we do, have done, and that have been done to us take part in sculpting us into becoming the people that we are. The trick here is to learn from it and not let it turn you bitter.

I have had a shitty year. The mother of shitty years. I am not going to go into detail of why this has been such a bad year, I told myself when I started this blog I wouldn't write about that, but trust me, it was as bad as you can picture. I am not writing this as some kind of "holier than thou" point, or worse yet, as a pity scheme, but as a method of showing you that anyone can survive, and given the right mindset, you can start to live a life where everything, for good or for bad, is about experience, knowledge and teaching yourself that the most important thing in life is living it. Life is very short, and to walk through it being angry, upset or depressed is not life. We all have to experience shitty things. It's to show us what not to do, and teach us to appreciate all of the stuff around us that we take for granted. As a race we get depressed, upset and angry, but we can't let it bury us. Shake it off and get on with living.

Over the past few months I have opened my eyes to the world around me like a newborn baby seeing the clouds for the first time. It amazes me how much I missed when I was carrying around all my bullshit like a 2000 pound stone chained to my neck. It took a very hard knock to get the stone loose, but now that it is, I see things differently.

Now that I see things for what they are, I also see things for what they aren't. That is a very hard realization for some people (myself included). We can trick ourselves into thinking things are one way when they are actually the other. That's the amazing thing about the brain. It is the most powerful thing in our body and so many people don't use it because they have it focused on the things that are responsible for making us angry, upset and depressed.

I still get depressed. I still get angry. I still get upset, but I learn and keep going. For all the bad things that happen to us, there are just as many good things, and that's what we have to hold on to. Don't concentrate on the shit. It will only bury you further. Take it for what it is, let it become part of you and move on. The pain never goes away, but you learn to use it to make you stronger.

Guess this entry wasn't as fun as the usual ones. Everyone has to have a serious moment I suppose. I think the only way to sum this one up is "Live a Life of No Regrets" and "Nipple, Apple, Crap".

Sign This...

Petition to stop them from drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

http://wwf.ca/HowYouCanHelp/DoNotDrill/letter.asp?campaign=anwr

It may not make a difference, but it's worth a shot.