Let Me Tell You a Story.

I don't like political grandstanding. I don't like using anyone's misfortune for any kind of advantage.

That being said, I have to write this. I think it is important enough that I get to bump the usual readership of the sites I own, and the server costs I pay for this one diatribe I am going to write.

I was involved in a major car accident 2 nights ago. It has made it to the papers and was on the news. It was that level of big. How big I will get into in a second. Out of the four people that were directly involved, two were (probably are still) in the hospital. One of which, from what I was able to gather at the scene, is not in good condition. Out of the 3 cars involved, two are complete write offs and the third needs significant repair.

And this could have been easily avoided. With nothing more than the tax dollars you and I are paying on every transaction. You know, those taxes that make our place to live hospitable and safe. Yeah. Those tax dollars.

Some back-story. Not a lot. I don't want this being a multi-page entry.

Had to pick up my car from my mechanic (oh, the irony) earlier in the day from getting some work done. I was picking it up at 6:00 pm. Seeing that it was snowing outside, and that I normally had a 35 minute drive to my mechanic, I ducked out of work at 4:30 so I would make it on time. Even at that time of the afternoon, the roads were horrible and I made it to my mechanic about 20 minutes late. So a 35 minute drive took almost 2 hours. That started at 4:30 in the afternoon. Another important bit.

Fast forward to Friday evening.

It's around 9:00 pm and I'm driving down the street, with a friend of mine following behind me on the way from dinner to go watch a movie at my house. The roads are treacherous. I mean horrible. Like a skating rink. That, 0 degree Celsius when water is just starting to freeze on the roads, but you can't see it because it is wet and you can't tell the water from ice, horrible. The temperature will become important in a little bit. Everyone is giving at least 40 feet (if not more) distance between cars, just so if you slide as you are stopping, you will only bump the car ahead of you and have to get a paint touch up rather than kill each other.

As a matter of fact, at one intersection before the "accident", I watched a civic slide into the back of a pickup with a snow blade on the front. Thought to myself, "well, that sucks." Heh. Yeah.

Cruise through the light and slowly driving down the road. The road I'm on happens to be a 70 Km/h road, but I'm doing a healthy 45 (ish) along with the dozen or so cars behind me. We know the score. Slow and steady wins the race.

As I get to the bottom of the hill, I notice a silver Grand Am on the oncoming traffic side of the road starting to fishtail. Damn. This don't look good. Then it keeps coming....Hits the centre divider and starts spinning sideways....Takes air off of the divider and is promptly sailing directly at the front of my car about 5 inches off of the road.

Pause for a break here.

I have learned from the police that when I started to notice I was about to be in an accident, I had 1/10th of a second to decide what to do. Turns out you can do a few things in that time.

1) I'm going to try and turn my car into the divider between the lanes to hopefully help with the brakes I'm currently stomping on to try and stop me. 1/10th of a second isn't enough time for that turns out.

2) I've never seen the side of a car coming at me, let alone at the speed that it is travelling. It is NOT a good thing to see.

3) I'm done. This is it. It's all over for this dude.

Ok, play button now.

And it hits the front of my car. Everything in my car is flying from the back seat to the front. Both front airbags are going off and I'm spinning. I remember seeing the hood of my car buckling up and feeling things spinning.

Then I've stopped. Feels like something is wrong with my nose, and why do my eyes burn? Oh no. Is everyone ok?

So I jump out of my car (I don't have to put my car in park because the impact did that for me) and run to see if everyone is ok. I hear my car draining all fluids out the bottom of it all over the road, and notice a CD on top of some part of the frame where my bumper should be. How did that get out here? And my car is also a few inches shorter in the front than what it used to be. My friend who was following me is shaken up, but seems to be ok, so I run over to the Grand Am. Things are clearly not ok over there. The driver is conscious and saying she can't move or feel anything. The passenger doesn't look to be conscious, but I think he is breathing. I've watched enough movies to know you don't move anyone after a car accident.

I call the police and they are there in the quickest response time I have ever seen. Now, mind you my head is kinda messed up, so not the best judge of time, but I'd say less than 5 minutes and they are there. There is a towing guy talking to the driver of the grand am trying to keep her calm. Where the hell did he come from? And then I have a bunch of paramedics and cops asking me if I'm ok. By some twist of fate, turns out that I actually am...

Fast forward a few hours.

They've gotten both of the people out of the grand am out and are at the hospital by now. Had to use the jaws of life to get the passenger out. The passenger seat in the Grand Am is only about 4 inches wide. It hit with that much force. Without a doubt, that car is done. I'm hoping that both of them are ok. She was conscious so that's good, but he never came around, at least from what I seen.

My car is totalled. I have to collect my stuff out of it because it's going to the compound yard, because it may have been involved in an accident where a fatality was involved. I open the trunk of my car to get my crap out, and the force of the hit was so hard, it twisted the floor of my trunk. There is a piece of plastic side wall from the inside of my car that has gone through, yes through, my carbon fiber subwoofer. I find as much of my stuff as I can think to gather and leave the scene.

And this could all have been prevented with 2$ worth of roadsalt.

Yes. From 4:30 pm when I left the office, until 9:00 pm that night, they never spread down salt. 4 and a half hours, and this was one of the busiest streets where I live.

$2 worth of road salt. I want to say that again, because, if a 21 year old girl can never walk again, $2 could have prevented that. If a 21 year old guy dies...yes, dies...it could have been prevented with $2 worth of road salt.

You see, road salt works awesome at that temperature. Melts ice snappy quick and cars have complete control again. Yeah, the roadsalt that comes out of the snow trucks that we pay for with our taxes.

$2.

Done and Done!


Hey all,

I know I haven't updated in forever, but here's a short and sweet one. My album is finished and released for the masses (washed and unwashed).

Go pick it up at http://www.moloquin.com

And on a lower note, I probably won't be updating this blog much anymore. Chances are I'll just be updating on my main page. I'm not saying Never, but I am going to say rarely....

Farkin Micro$hit

Hey all, I've been having a very frustrating time dealing with my latest Xbox 360 failure (4th one I might add), and decided to share with all of you exactly how much fun it is dealing with Micro$hit's customer support.

That's it. No big entry. No long winded Moloquin bantering on about the lack of foresight of the common horse, or the price of cucumbers in Zimbabwe. Just one pissed off Reverend and his dealing with the modern age whore of Babylon, Microsoft.

The email chain is inline below...Next time they send me another form mail, I'll add it.


--- Original Message ---
From : moloquin
Sent : Monday, July 07, 2008 9:03:31 PM UTC
To : XBOX_.XBOX.NA.00.EN.HAH.MNL.HW.T01.SPT.00.EM
Subject : Xbox Hardware:repair inquiries/question

Service:
Xbox Hardware

What type of problem do you have?
repair inquiries/questions [repair inquiries/questions]

Full name:

The e-mail address for us to send a response:
moloquin

Be specific when describing your problem. The details that you include enable us to promptly send you the most likely solution to your issue.

To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing this in reference to my service request xxxxxx.

This is now the 4th Xbox360 I have sent in for service due to hardware failure since I bought my first one in the initial launch in the winter of 2005. The current one I am sending in has lasted a while, but did scratch a copy of Grand Theft Auto 4 to the point where it was unplayable. It resulted in me buying another copy so I could play the game only to have it RRoD a few weeks later.

I was actually sent one direct from your repair center DOA. I plugged it in and it red ringed as soon as it was out of the box. In a month (minus shipping times back and forth) I went through three 360's.

A failure rate of four of the same product within this time period is horrible and unacceptable as a product model. I have enjoyed using the 360, but with the amount of down time I have incurred due to failure, I have found myself leaning toward buying games for my Playstation3 rather than the 360, as I don't feel I can trust the 360 to be stable enough to play games on for any extended period of time.

I still have my initial Xbox from 2001 and it has never had any type of technical issue.

With being the early adopter that I am I had no problem in waiting in lines to get one of the first launch models of the 360's, and seeing the track record of my original xbox I didn't feel there was any point to waiting for a later model. In retrospect, I wish I would have waited for the launch of the Falcon motherboard so I wouldn't have to go through multiple repairs.

The customer service representatives I have talked to when returning my failed 360's were always pleasant, but even they had a sense of disappointment that I was now calling to return my 4th 360.

When I do receive my 5th 360, I don't know how much I will use it as I don't want it to fail again, especially considering my warranty will soon be up and I WILL NOT pay to have one repaired if it goes past it's warranty status. I don't think it's fair to pay for repairs due to an inferior product that has such an alarming failure rate. It seems wrong to not want to use something out of fear it will fail again but that is how I feel about the Xbox360 and my experience with it so far.

With all of the failures of the 360, I don't know that I will buy the next generation of console from Microsoft. If I do, it will only be after other early adopters have beta tested the units so I know I will get a stable one well after the launch date. I, along with many other's I'm sure, feel like we have be used as a beta test market for the Xbox360.


________________________________________________________________________

From: XBOX_.XBOX.NA.00.EN.HAH.MNL.HW.T01.SPT.00.EM@css.one.microsoft.com
To: moloquin
CC:
Subject: RE: SRXxxxxxxID - Xbox Hardware:repair inquiries/question
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2008 07:07:48 +0000

Hi!

Thank you for writing Xbox Customer Support!

I understand you are concerned about the quality of your Xbox 360 and some other issues. We appreciate your concern and we are glad to assist you.

The vast majority of Xbox 360 owners are having an outstanding experience with their new systems. There have been a few isolated reports of consoles not working as expected. The call rate is well below what you would expect for a consumer electronics product of this complexity. As a percentage of the total number of Xbox 360 systems already in the field, these calls represent a very small fraction. There is no systemic issue with Xbox 360. Each incident is unique and these customer inquiries are being handled on a case-by-case basis.

If you need to reply to this e-mail, please reply 'with history' (include any previous e-mail) so we can expedite our service to you.

You may also call Xbox Phone Support at 1-800-4MYXBOX (1-800-469-9269) at your earliest convenience, and we’ll be happy to help you. We are open everyday from 6am to 10pm PST.

To expedite service, please provide Service Request Number xxxxxx when you call.

NOTE: You may now check repair status for your XBOX console by going online at http://service.xbox.com/ using your Windows Live ID account.

Thank you for visiting Xbox.com. If you should have future questions on Xbox products or services, please be sure to revisit our Web site as we are continually adding information to enhance our service.

Sincerely,

Jim

Xbox Customer Care Team

______________________________________________________________

To Whom it May Concern:

In my initial email I was merely frustrated with my 360 experience, but after reading the quite obviously form letter which was the reply, I am angry.

Not a single thing which I raised was addressed in any fashion other than a blanket response.

As for a few isolated reports of consoles not working, I beg to differ. Out of my office of eleven people, seven of us own an Xbox360. Of the seven of us, six have sent them (at least once, with myself being 4 times) into the repair centre, all with the exact same issue. System lockups and graphical glitches, shortly followed with the RRoD. The only one of us that hasn't had the issue yet is the one person who's 360 is only two months old. Given enough time I am sure it will show the exact same behavior.

How can this not be systemic with this kind of ratio? How is each incident unique when every last one of the failures that I personally know of have all shown the exact same issue before going off to the repair centre?

I said in my last email I wished I had waited until the launch of the Falcon motherboards, which, by all reports I have seen, have a much lower failure rate, or the upcoming Jasper model, in which the inherent flaws are supposedly fixed, but now I can guarantee I will not be buying any improved Microsoft console product in the future, and I will NOT be buying the next generation of Xbox. When you send blanket response email's to customers that have repeatedly experienced the same issue, it is insulting to both the customer and the company. Customer satisfaction is quite obviously not a high priority within the Microsoft Xbox division.

When they go back to the repair centre, are the parts which have died replaced with known faulty parts? In my experience I'd have to say yes. With 4 failures that is the only way I could explain it. If this was any other product, the faulty product would not be repaired with another product in which a known issue exists. When my car has a faulty part and it is replaced, it is not replaced with the same faulty part, but is replaced with an improved part in which the inherent flaw does not exist.

A product model in which you replace garbage parts with other garbage parts, is not a product model at all. It is a travesty. How else could you explain people on the Xbox.com forums with three or five or even thirteen replacements of 360 consoles? Thirteen replacement consoles? How is this a few isolated reports?

In closing I have to say that I am extremely disappointed in how poorly Microsoft is treating their customers with this issue. Yes, the warranty was extended to three years, and thank you for that, but as customers, along with a guarantee that our devices will be repaired, we also SHOULD be guaranteed that when they are repaired, the ARE repaired, and not just band-aided back together and shipped out, only to fail at a later date. This just makes the customer feel used, and makes Microsoft look worse than they already do from the fallout surrounding this "isolated issue".

All that the previous correspondence I received did was Guarantee that I will never buy another Microsoft console again.

__________________________________________________________________

From: XBOX_.XBOX.NA.00.EN.HAH.MNL.HW.T01.SPT.00.EM@css.one.microsoft.com
To: moloquin
CC:
Subject: SRXxxxxxxxID - Xbox 360: How to respond to questions about the Xbox 360 console quality and other console related issues/1st email/
Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2008 12:21:42 +0000

Hello,

Thank you for writing Xbox Customer Support!

We appreciate your feedback. I understand that you are unsatisfied with regards to the issues that you are having and it sounds like this has been a very frustrating issue for you.

As of the moment, we are constantly tweaking, fine tuning, and improving our manufacturing processes for Xbox 360 console.

We are committed to you, our valued customers, and are taking immediate corrective steps to regain your confidence in us. We have begun putting a comprehensive plan in place to provide better and timelier information to you, more tools and resources for our crewmembers and improved procedures for handling operational difficulties in the future.

We are confident, as a result of these actions that Xbox Customer Support will emerge as a more reliable and even more customer responsive support than ever before.

Again, In behalf of Microsoft Xbox Customer Support, we deeply apologize for the inconvenience.

Thank you for your time and understanding.

If you need to reply to this e-mail, please reply 'with history' (include any previous e-mail) so we can expedite our service to you.

You may also call Xbox Phone Support at 1-800-4MYXBOX (1-800-469-9269) at your earliest convenience, and we’ll be happy to help you. We are open everyday from 6am to 10pm US Pacific Time.

To expedite service, please provide Service Request Number xxxxxx when you call.

NOTE: You may now check warranty and repair status for your XBOX console by going online at http://service.xbox.com/ using your Windows Live ID account.

Thank you for visiting Xbox.com. If you should have future questions on Xbox products or services, please be sure to revisit our Web site as we are continually adding information to enhance our service.

Sincerely,

Martin

Xbox Customer Care

______________________________________________________

To Whom it May Concern:

In your last correspondence you write that you appreciate my feedback and understand that I am unsatisfied with the issues that I am having, but yet you failed to reply to any question I posed in my previous email. I directly address concerns I had with your original reply to my first email and still there is not a single response to any concern I raised.

This further enforces the fact to me that these emails are not being read and are simply answered by some form email that is systematically sent out to your disgruntled customers as a way to try and placate us, not to mention the subject line of the reply reads exactly as a page out of a "how to deal with angry customers" manual.

As customers we do not appreciate the fact that we are being treated like we don't matter, and as long Microsoft gets our original money, we have to sit back and accept the fact that we will continually receive inherently flawed refurbished consoles from the repair center.

In the last correspondence you write you are "constantly tweaking, fine tuning, and improving our manufacturing processes for Xbox 360 console". Does this mean that we are now receiving refurbished machines using the 65nm form factor? Are we getting the latest consoles to repair our broken ones? It's great that you have figured out what is causing the repeated failures but how does that help all of us who are getting the older units back from the repair centre? I have been through 4 of the returns from the repair centre, and I have always received back the inherently flawed consoles.

You want to my confidence in Microsoft to return like you say in your email? When your customers ship their broken 360's into from the repair centre, how about you ship us fixed consoles instead of patched together old consoles that are destined to fail in the near future? How about you send us a console using the newest revision of the motherboard that has fixed the inherent flaw in the GPU that causes the excess heat that kills the console?

Or, how about this? You send us emails that aren't simply forms where you fill in the name of the customer and send it out as is.

You ask us for our feedback, then promptly don't read all the things we send in, or if you do, the blanket emails you send in return do not instill confidence in the customer who reads them. I have received spam that feels more genuine than the default replies I have received from the Microsoft customer support centre.

I'm glad that you are confident that your customer support will emerge as more reliable and more responsive, but I am not convinced. My confidence is not restored, and is likely to stay that way until I actually see that someone has read this correspondence and replied without using some blanket statement and actually addresses the issues I have tried to get answers to since my original email.

Don't thank me for my time and understanding. I fail to understand any of your current customer support practices, other than insulting your customer base by sending out repetitive form mail in the hopes that those "few" of us who are not having an "outstanding experience" will stop writing emails and just accept the fact that we will always receive flawed consoles back from the repair centre.

Stop That Infernal Tootling!

I'm laying in bed on Saturday morning, and I'm sure I was smiling because it was actually sleeping time instead of waking up for working time when I discovered, much to my dismay, one of the worst ways to wake up. At least in my experience....and I've been woken up in some pretty rude ways, let me tell you....there was this one time in, no, wait. I'm not telling that story. I'm telling this one. Ok, back on track.

I'm laying there, with this beatific smile on my face, with Loki the cat curled up on the pillow next to me, and we are both sleeping quite soundly when this horrible cacophony comes drifting in through the window. Now, I had been drinking a few pints the night before, so I checked inventory to make sure everything was still working properly and I wasn't hallucinating said noise, but nope, there it was again...I could almost identify it now...almost, the beer brain was starting to release the idiocy hold over me. I crack open one eye to see Loki looking directly back at me. It's not often you get to see a look of disgust on a cat's face, but I got to see it that morning....very odd thing to see, I can tell you that. Apparently I had the same look on my face though...you know the look I'm talking about. The "I've just walked into a public washroom, and my god, what is that stench...is it used motor oil mixed with fetid strawberries? or is someone brewing beer and cooking Indian food at the same time?" look. Yeah, that one.

The noise coming through the window is vaguely recognizable now...Almost like something I've heard before, because I have, and may have even been responsible for it. You see, at ten o'clock on a Saturday morning, the last thing you want to hear besides the obvious "the house is on fire" or "getting married last night was an awesome idea", is someone strangling an alto saxophone for all they are worth. And the recognizable sound? Why that would be "Hot Cross Buns" by some incredulous fucker who is insistent on not letting me sleep. Not know "Hot Cross Buns"? Why just take mary had a little lamb, and take out the one high note in the verse to make it easier to play. There ya go, and entire song made up of only three notes, and super easy to repeat over and over and over and over and over again. What a perfect way to upset, intimidate and enrage a musician. Go ahead and poke the sleeping bear sweetie, feel it's fur, I'm sure it won't bite....Natural selection at it's finest.

You can bet during this, there was some parent sitting in their lazyboy smiling away because they finally got there kid out of the house and they don't have to listen to the same song again and again and again. I'm going to find that mutha and pull a Vincent Vega on them and shoot Marvin in the face. Don't let the community parent your kid. You'll read why in the next paragraph.

So after the 13th encore of hot cross buns, I decide it's time to get my ass out of bed and wander into the washroom to try and distract me from Satan's saxophone player. I'm sitting there, trying to decide which of the four paths of resolutions to take. Which paths you ask? Thanks for asking. First up...Pull the typical 1950's cartoon solution and start chucking stuff out of the window. Alarm clocks, cats, dynamite sticks with TNT written down them, flower pots, and all the other standard accoutrement's you can picture from the old tyme tv shows. Secondly, go grab my pellet gun and start shooting. Not the kid playing Satan's saxophone, but the the sax itself. That should cause the kid to run away in fear and leave it sitting in the community condo courtyard where I can pot shot it until it returns to it's constituent elements. Thirdly, go grab one of my guitars, turn my PA speakers out to the world, and play along making it the worlds worst concerto, or fourthly, close the window and try and go back to sleep, but that would be chickening out.

None the less, the fourth sorta wins....as I'm crawling back into bed to give it another go, I hear someone else yell out their window to shut the hell up or else, and thus all crisises are diverted and I can go back to sleep and not go to jail. Everyone wins. Amazing how the simplest answer is almost always the correct one.

And with that, I put my head on the pillow, looked over at Loki who winked at me and told me to have a great sleep before passing out herself and I went back to bed.

Wait a sec. Cat's don't talk. I gotta lay off the mushrooms.

_______________________________________________________________________________

I know I haven't updated in a while...Ok, maybe more than a while. I'm going to try and remedy that. New jobs make for a very busy boy, and not much free time, so unfortunately that means the blog suffers, but don't worry, everything suffers for that. My guitar, my computers, my video gaming (well, maybe not that), my health, you know, all the usual stuff.

But....and this is a big but, I can not lie...I'm going to try and stay on top of things this time and occasionally do an update or two. Now that we have unfrozen ourselves from under the 14 feet of ice and the sled dogs can finally rest for the first time in seven months, I may actually get to go outside and have some adventures that are worth writing about.

The Futility of Human Endurance.

Seeing that I have been living in my current house for about two years now, I decided it was time to hang up the domestic shingle, and by that I mean actually get one of those amenities that every bachelor should have. I went out and bought a BBQ. That in itself isn't very interesting, but leads me to the topic of today’s sermon, but why lead the cart before the horse. First a little background.

There comes a time in life when you look around you, and realize that the human race is actually doing the right thing. I come from the end of the use it and throw it away generation. No matter what it was, when you were done with it, it went to the side of the curb. I remember a great many drunken nights coming home with lost treasures abandoned at curbside for morning pickup. Of course, once sober, it was usually quite apparent as to why said treasure was waiting curbside, but any adventure is a good adventure. Then, many years later, a new phenomenon called recycling was born. All of us growing up in the 80's will remember this. At first no one paid it much attention other than the small group of radical tree huggers (myself included), but in time it caught on, and twenty years later you can buy hybrid cars, boxes made from old boxes, and recycled toilet paper (the less thought about that the better).

We also ended the cold war. Very, very good thing. The constant though of nuclear war isn't something I'd want anyone to go through. The Berlin wall came down, there was a big party, people got to see relatives they didn't know existed, and all of those red commies got to wear Levis. Generally a move in the right direction.

There were a bunch of other things, but rather than go into a diatribe of everything my generation did, which will inevitably lead down the path of new inventive drugs, let’s get to the meat of this essay shall we? Back to the BBQ.

So I go over to the local BBQ shop on my lunch hour, and by myself a brand spankin new one, all shiny and black, and on sale to boot. After wrangling in someone to find me one in a box, I get up to the cash and have to get a propane tank as well. No worries, curbside service and everything. I get all the above mentioned crap into my car with a little bit of decorative placement and drive back to the office.

Now this week in the great white north is anything but white. We have a big heat wave sitting over top of us and farting down all the splendor of 32 degrees (that's around 90 for you kids south of the border), plus a bunch of humidity to top it off, so I decided, in a very un-moloquin like way, that maybe my car would get too hot for the tank of propane to be sitting in for the afternoon, so I read the label to see what temperature rating was on my shiny new BBQ tank.

That is when I lost faith, yet again, in the human race.

In bold red letters on the side of the tank, there was a warning. Written very large and menacing like, but in short monosyllabic words so the downtrodden masses could understand it, was the following sentence.

"Do not check for leaks with an open flame."

Wait a sec. It can't say that can it? I mean come on...Let's look at it again kids.

"Do not check for leaks with an open flame."

Yup. That is what is says. I shit you not.

I walked back into the office, and told Newtie of my findings. He confirmed that is what is says, which is good and bad all at once, and poised an interesting hypothesis. If only one or two people blew themselves up to raspberry jam and meaty bits by testing for propane leaks by flicking there bic, there probably wouldn't be said warning, but the fact it is there is pretty much a testament to the fact that this has been done multiple times.

I realized after pondering this new low in human intelligence, and idea struck me. Now, it's gonna sound wacky, but hear me out. I think it will work. Ready?

Step One

Abolish the ability for people to sue other people/corporations for dumb ass things. I'm not going to get into all of the dumb ass things, and write a legal paper of what you can and can't sue for, but everyone out there (well hopefully) knows the dumb ass shit I'm talking about. This sets down the ground work.

Step Two

Be creative with the warnings for a method of population control. I mean if you don't know to not check for propane leaks with a match, you probably shouldn't even consider procreating, let alone serve any real contributing use in society. If you need to read the warning, you shouldn't be buying anything. If you get your dick caught in a waffle machine, you deserve it.

Here's where the real fun begins. Creative warnings.

On the side of the apple pie from your favorite fast food joint it usually has "Caution, filling is hot" written on the side. Maybe it should read something like, "Filling may be warm, so break crust and stick your finger in up to the second knuckle to test it". Yeah, that should work.

"Coffee may be warm. Hold it in-between legs while driving so you don't burn your hands."

"A wonder bread bag is an excellent form of birth control. Thank you for the inventive use of our product."

"After this light bulb has burn out, please feel free to insert into any orifice you like." You can replace light bulb with bottle, hair spray can, old vegetables, axe handle. It's all up to you.

"Even though this poisons rats, it won't hurt you, so please sprinkle some on your potatoes."

"Batteries are an excellent source of your daily required minerals and acids."

"Always look down the barrel of the gun to make sure there is a bullet in the chamber."

"Test for electrical shorts in your bathroom by placing running hair dryer in the shower with you."

"Place bag over head when you are finished emptying it."

I could probably go on for days with this, but instead, I think the real fun is this. Everyone out there who may read this, I encourage, nay, insist, that you find any product with some dumb ass warning on the side, and change it creatively so that we can thin the herd a little. Whip out your bottle of liquid paper (please drink or sniff this for a pleasant, light headed experience) and get those creative juices flowing to cause some damage to the unwashed serfs. Ten points for death, five for a new horrible disfigurement.

It may be harsh, but come on, do you really want the people who need these warnings living and/or working next to you?

More chlorine in the gene pool please.

damnit...

i'm sitting here in the dark in my living room with a migraine the size of new york state it feels like there are a group of neo-monolithic tribesmen beating each other with clubs and driving every iota of pain into the backs of my eyes as small scaled reptiles chew on my optic nerves and their owners holding vacant leashes are slowly ever so slowly driving bamboo stakes into every square inch of my brain imagine what a grape feels like just before it gets pressed to be made into wine or what that ice cube feels like being ground down in between a sexually frustrated teenager molars that is only a small percentage of what a migraine feels like you have to turn yourself into a mushroom and sit or lie in the dark because the light hurts the light the light the light is pain pure like a white bolt of lightning pure pain and you can try to sleep but you can't because of the shooting sharp pain behind your eyes and behind your forehead and you just hope and pray that your body will eventually say enough of this fucking horseshit and just shut your self down and pass out into blissful escaping sleep but it won't no it won't it won't it won't the rats will continue to chew until you think you are going mad with the ripping tearing and splintering pain fuck